Washington (f-A-ke. P.) -

The United States Bureau of Engraving and Printing has announced the introduction of new one dollar coins to replace the less than successful Susan B. Anthony and Sacagawea versions. The new coins are to feature great conservative figures in American history. Recently appointed Bureau Director, John Bolton, said of the coins:
We're just trying to create a coin with a solid conservative message. I mean, what does it say...putting women on our money? Sacagawea? Toting her kid on her back? Obviously employed outside the home--a rejection of a core American value, I'd say And don't even get me started with Susan B. Anthony.

The history of America is the history of great male achievements. So we're gonna find some crusty old white guys to engrave on our dollars.
The series will start with a coin honoring that conservative stalwart, Ronald Reagan, and in the following months coins honoring John Birch, Barry Goldwater, and John Ashcroft will be released. When asked if a coin honoring the greatest conservative president in of all time, George W. Bush, is forthcoming Director Bolton replied, "Well...let's at least wait until we win the war. Maybe next summer."

Updated 2007/02/15, 10:15 am PST - A new image of the 'Reagan Dollar' has just been released.

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