Suicide Bombshell

This afternoon, the Frogette comes to Blognonymous with burning questions:

If a male suicide bomber receives 70 virgins in the afterlife, what does a female suicide bomber receive?

Imagine the Imam who has to explain this:

Imam - "70 virgins, just like everybody else."
Bombshell - "You're not serious?!"
Imam - "Well...uh...how about an eternal supply of chocolate?"
Bombshell - "And..."
Imam - "Uh...a foot massage? From George Clooney?"

Where do the virgins come from?
Were these the girls who couldn't get dates? Nerdy girls who look like Velma from Scooby Doo...only in a burqa?

What happens to the virgins when a suicide bomber's wife shows up?
"He did what?! OK, give me a bomber's belt. I'm going to kick his ass for all eternity!"


Well, I agree with Mrs. Frogette. What's the incentive for female suicide bombers anyway? It sure as shit can't be a new dishwasher.
They didn't come from Catholic schools.

I think a nice thing for the women would be men that only talked when asked to and always gave a good answer. And also could hit the toilet
LOL! Mrs. Kvatch can play ball with the big brass bloggers! Blog on Kvatch, Mrs. Kvatch...blog on all.
Diva... Indeed! When we're talking about one's eternal reward...a new Whirlpool just doesn't cut it!

Scott... Or perhaps...no men. Especially none of those testosterone fueled male Bombshells.

LOL! Mrs. Kvatch can play ball with the big brass bloggers!

WS... Indeed she can. A muse she is!
I think the female suicide bombers get to be one of the seventy virgins in the afterlife. No big reward, but what do you expect from a religion that de-emphasizes the females anyway.
I think Lew is right.
I think that was a loaded question-plead the fifth.
Very interesting, now I have YOU to thank for a sleepless night as I ponder....
Funny how the idea of 70 male virgins doesn't turn most women on yet the idea of 70 female virgins seems to excite some/most men.

Then, I guess that a hole in a fence would suffice for most males if nothing else was on offer.

Spending forever with George Clooney might get my attention.

Actually a female bomber gets to shop forever for free.
Daniel, for most females having 70 male virgins would be hell. Too much instruction would be needed. ;)
Virgins Smirgins. Just give me two good housecleaners, a gardener and a well-trained male gigolo...
Sumo, Lew... "Be on of the seventy virgins"?! Well that's not going to do anything for recruiting.

Robert... Well, at the very least, the question answers itself. Who want's 70 virgins. PoP has a point, the amount of instruction would kill ya.

UndeniableL... The Frogette says it's a small price to pay for getting to consider the really important questions.
Daniel... I think that the Bombshell's would wondering where the hell they found 70 male virgins.

PoP... "Shop free forever"! Now there's an idea.

PoP, Sewmouse... But wouldn't the Imam promising a gigolo be well...sort of against Islam--encouraging sin or something like that. I mean they don't actually say what you get to do with the virgins, but a gigolo? Now that's just an invitation to sin and immodesty.
Well, not to get you in trouble with the Imams and all, but...

Fornicate the rules of the 3rd religion.

I want a gigolo if I'm gonna have to blow myself up.
With respect to the idea of an afterlife, it's clear that no one is getting anything.

Therefore, the imbecilic promises made to male suicide bombers are as meaningless and irrational as thoughts passing through the minds of female suicide bombers.

Meanwhile, debating the non-existent reward these vicious psychos expect misses the point of their exercise.

Their reward is killing. I suppose they enjoy that Short Happy Life of Francis McComber as they pull the cord and sense the explosion that splatters them and those nearby on the walls of the pizza parlor, bus or over the stalls at an open-air market.

No doubt, like Christians, they lack credible information about life after death. You can bet no muslims have made the round trip.

In any case, since muslims do everything wrong and they succeed only when they fail, you can be sure that every one of those virgins would have hymens tougher than shoe leather. What else would explain them getting to muslim heaven without a skewering from at least one male relative?
maybe they get their virginity back 70 times?

Actually, I never thought about this, thus I am glad to read this post :D
Sewmouse... You know, you're so right. The Bombshell should get a buy in the afterlife--like a Catholic indulgence. In fact, I think that George Clooney should be your celestial gigolo!

No_slappz... Always a delight to have you drop by, but if I might make a humble suggestion. I think you need to take your satire detector back to the store and trade it in on one that works. ;-)
I could not be a suicide bomber because I am not excited about 70 virgins. I would prefer 1 or 2 who know what they are doing and maybe someone for massage and a shower helper.

How about a man that shat diamonds and spat platinum for the lady suicide bombers?
After thinking about it for 4 minutes, I think that if I choose to blow myself up in the name of a god, that god better let me choose my reward.
I asked the question and was told they might get the beauty parlor 'complimentary Brazilian". You know, that Brazilian guy who comes out and says "my you have lost a lot of weight dear..."
...maybe they get their virginity back 70 times?

So Denisdekat...In what universe would this be a good thing? ;-) Virginity is a pain...literally.

Scott... I have to agree with you: 70 virgins is sort of a bummer. Now, if you could have 70 different frogs, all beautiful, all intelligent, all shapes sizes, and colors...now that would be something.

Cartledge... I think that dovetails nicely with Sew's idea of the celestial gigolo. The upshot being, everyone one wants validation, in this life...or the next.
"So Denisdekat...In what universe would this be a good thing? ;-) Virginity is a pain...literally."


Just being silly :p
HIL-arious!!! Thanks for the laugh. :)
Just being silly :p.

Denisdekat... I know. Hence the wink. :-)

James... Glad you enjoyed it, but really I can't take the credit. It was the Frogette's idea. She's a muse.

Add a comment

Links to this post:

Create a Link