Washington (f-A-ke. P.) -Faced with new evidence that the Sun really isn't to blame for global warming
, the Bush Administration clarified its stance by revealing that what they had really meant to say was that sun...screen
is the primary culprit.
At a press conference earlier today, newly appointed head of National Oceanographic and Atmospheric Association Scarlett 'Babsie' McPherson claimed, "...you know if sunbathers would just stop using SPF50, maybe try a bit of tanning oil or some spray on, then all those nasty cosmic rays would get absorbed. You know...rather than bouncing around the atmosphere where they can heat things up."
Administration officials refused to answer questions regarding Ms. McPherson's previous employer, the infamous 'DC Madam', Deborah Palfrey.(Thanks to the Station Agent for inspiration
I think it is our duty as Earthlings to soak up as much of the Sun's rays as we can. We should form an organization to promote awareness of this need. We'll call it the Melanoma Association?
damn sunscreen wearing humans! what about all those guilty humans striking matches causing these gases to accumulate?
Yep, don't worry about skin cancer, just work on that tan!
Nvisiblewmn... And imagine how much less heat we'd need in wintertime if we could all just raise our body temperatures by say 5 degrees? :-)
RAFFI... And what about the trees?! Don't forget the trees. Damn socialist plants working to undermine our God-given way of life!
Suzie-Q... That's the spirit! ;-)
I hate sunscreen wearing humans. Except for myself, but I wear sunscreen to keep America safe. So it is not hypocritical or anything
I blame the self tanner craze. It keeps Hollywood starlets out of the sun and God knows they soak up every free thing they get near. Let's put Lindsay Lohan and her freckles back to work!
Trouble is, Bush's rhetoric has gotten so wacky lately, it's getting harder to distinguish satire from an actual Bushism.Who Hijacked Our Country
Scott... Did Michael Chertoff tell you to put on sunscreen? Or something like that?
Fashiongirl... Lohan, and maybe Nicole Ritchie (assuming of course that she manages to stay out of jail). Ghosts like those two could probably be use like carbon credits.
You could always use plaster of Paris for a substitute, or not go out...but then again, i think the scientists found that this over emphasis on sunscreen really isn't worth the effort of slathering it on....now, that would be different if you were slathering it on some one you lust for....But I digress, or maybe not...
What else did Babsie learn about "bouncing" while she worked for the DC Madam?
Tom... I have that feeling all the time--in fear that I'll write something truly wacky and then hear it come out of Tony Snow's mouth 24 hours later.
Windspike... Naw, got to just get everyone used to the idea of a nice dark, cancer-ridden, tan. I mean...we're saving the planet hear, right?
PoP... I think that Babsie knows all about bouncing! ;-)
Thanks for the link, man. I think I mmight just smear some of that sun screen around the ice station... warm it up a bit.
Perhaps the true cause of global warming is all the hot air emanating from the White House and Congress.
Chertoff said that I just needed sunscreen and duct tape to protect the Motherland. Apparently if I nuclear bomb or dirty bomb goes off, I will be safe if I slather on the sunscreen and tape my arse shut
SA... My pleasure, but...hey...don't go overboard with the sun screen there.
...all the hot air emanating from the White House and Congress.
TomCat... Oh how I wish it were that simple. Then we could just put a cork in Cheney and...problem solved!
Scott... You know I really wish Chertoff would stop confusing public policy with the jumbo burritos he likes to eat for lunch.
Chertoff's proclamations stink much worse that a jumbo burrito could cause.