2007/06/28

The iWedge


Cupertino, CA (f-A-ke. P.) -

FOR IMMEDIATE RELEASE

In preparation for tomorrow's official launch of the highly anticipated iPhone, Apple today announced a second revolutionary Internet appliance...the iWedge! Designed to help maximize Apple's profits, the iWedge will assist Apple sales personnel with the difficult task of prying open customer's wallets. Got a potential buyer who's reluctant to fork over $500 for a crippled device that can't even speak WiFi without activation? The iWedge is the answer!

AT&T, Apple's iPhone partner, has already announced plans to purchase 10,000 iWedges for their US stores--an extra measure of persuasion for potential iPhone customers who may be reluctant to fork over thousands of dollars in contract fees. In fact Joey "Tire Iron" Morelli, head of AT&T Customer Relations, expects that the iWedge will be very useful for dealing those pesky support questions like, "How come this brick won't use my existing SIM card?" or "$1000 a year?! For your lousy data network? Are you f*ckin' nuts?!"

(Apple and AT&T make no recommendations nor guarantees of 'fitness for a specific purpose' with respect to the iWedge. For use by trained Morelli Fami-...uh...Apple personnel only. Patent pending.)

UPDATED 2007/06/29 11:04 AM:

And here are the top 10 technical reasons you should stay away from the iBrick.

20 Comments:

I wonder if I can get one of those for TheMan's wallet. Or his head. Guess it would depend on my mood.:)
I'm sure, this, like the iPhone, will be obsolete in a year's time. Beside's, they can only use it on you if you're gullible enough to go to their store.
Hey there Kvatch... thanks for allowing me the opportunity to guest post while you recuperated. It's good to have you back.
By amazing coincidence, next year Microsoft will introduce a similar product, "Prybar for Windows Vista." It will be twice as heavy as the iWedge and have a 350 page user manual.
Jinxi... I'm sure that Apple wouldn't approve of using the iWedge for purposes other than the one's they intended. ;-)

Lew... True enough. I'm actually expecting some enterprising person to come up with a kit to get you inside your iPhone.
BHFRIK... No need to thank me. I'm the one who should be thanking you for all the great posting! It was an honor to have you take over for me.

Mr_Blog... "Prybars" like Windoze toolbars will proliferate until you need one for every function in the system. :-)
Nice to see you are back! :)
I'm with Lew Scannon on this one. These things are only to last for a year and I guess if one is in much of a need to go out and purchase another one, well I guess they have you where they want you and there's no need to improve the product.
Oh, great, now everybody will be getting a wedge....

The frog is back!
Prettiest paperweight evar?!
No new gadgets for me...I wait long enough until the next new one comes out and then the next one and so on until I never get anything.
Do we have to wait in line for the iWedge too? Let me get my thermos of tea, some cookies, and a lounge chair.

Welcome back.
I'm selling my left nut to get one. That way when I'm at work taking shit, I can check on the log.
Please tell me you're back because you're all refreshed and reinspired, and not just because Slappy posted something typically strange and irrelevant on your hiatus post?

Welcome back. We missed you. Better a wedge than a wedgie. I need more coffee.
Suzie-Q, Nvisiblewmn... Good to be back, and thanks!

Fred... We're going to need a 'non-crippled' version 2.0 on this one pretty quick.
Sumo... When it comes to cell phones I'm with you. I'm only interested in the WiFi and the OS X widgets, but I won't pay $1800 (minimum) over two years for this brick.

Diva... Yes you will have to wait in line, and the iWedge will be the 'little persuader' that keeps you there.
Captain... Given the tone of this blog, would you consider selling your right nut? We need to maintain standards, after all.

Sewmouse... "Refreshed and re-inspired"? Hopefully. I'm trolling around for something to post today. ;-)
Welcome back, Kvatch. I might get an iPhone when the hit $14.95.
I'll buy one of the things if george bush will resign. In fact I'll buy each of you one if we can get bush to resign and get Al Gore in the oval office. I bet you think I don't really mean that. You are absolutely right.

Have a great weekend
I'll wait a year or two until another company comes out with a competitive product that offers everything Apple offers and more - including better cell service, more storage and fewer bugs. Oh yeah, it'll be a heck of a lot cheaper too.

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