2007/05/10

God Bless America...and Paris Hilton

Thank you Paris. Thank you. What would my mundane life be without you?

God Bless Paris Hilton
"Paris Whitney Hilton is an American celebrity and socialite. She is an heiress to a share of the Hilton Hotel fortune, as well as to the real estate fortune of her father Richard Hilton. She provides hope for young people all over the U.S. and the world. She provides beauty and excitement to (most of) our otherwise mundane lives."

- Excerpt from an online plea for clemency to Gov. Arnold Schwarzengger at Free Paris Hilton.

And thanks to Mags of You Forgot Poland! for the inspiration.

20 Comments:

Thank you for bringing this important cause to our attention. I dutifully signed the petition, being the patriotic American that I am.
I saw this in a Yahoo News article...

Since when does a drunken, carousing, spoiled brat bimbo who never has or will work a day in her life - provide "hope" to American kids? Like... they could be "born again" and have a rich mommy and daddy next time around, maybe?
Kvatch, Paris Hilton is a spoiled little rich kid with no sense of responsibility and no sense of right and wrong, who mangles the English language every time she opens her mouth, behaves outrageously at every opportunity, and blames everyone else for her mistakes.

You know, with qualifications like that, you could substitute her for Bush, and as long as she keeps her clothes on, nobody would notice the difference. :-(
PT... Anything to keep the second most famous cootchie in America out of jail, eh? ;-)

Since when does a drunken, carousing, spoiled brat bimbo... provide "hope" to American kids?

Sewmouse, Tomcat... In the same manner that a spoiled, stupid, lazy, arrogant president convinces Americans that he's just a regular guy, I suppose. As Tomcat points out, Bush and Hilton have a lot in common. Both got to where they are through no efforts of their own, and that I suppose does give some kind of twisted hope to people.

It's sort of like people who play the lottery for more than just entertainment value.
I fail to see how Paris Hilton displaying her armpit to the flag is patriotic. I know a certain national symbol who would have sumpin' to say about that...
Ahem.

I feel like I've done my civic duty by crafting the "No Pity 4 Paris" rebuttal petition.

I urge you all to do your part and sign here.
The less I see of these so-called celebrity lifestyles, the better my world is. Maybe that's how she provides hope. I hope for a world in which the Paris Hiltons are scrubbing floors & toilets at a nursing home for the criminally incontinent. ~~ D.K.
Mr_Blog... As I'm sure Paris will tell you, everything she does is patriotic, and in the best interest of everyone in our fair land.

I feel like I've done my civic duty...

Mags... Indeed you have!

D.K... Or providing needed distractions for her new friends in prison?
Lock her up! I'll sign mags petition.
PLEASE lock her up! Jeeezus!
Hilton/Not-Jenna 08'

...oh my, I think I've just been shat on by me muse, thank Froggy!
Mary, Lizzy... Please lock her up and all the rubes who support her with that silly petition!

Hilton/Not-Jenna 08'

Fred... AUUUUGGGGHHHH!!! :-)
Wow, she's on the fast track to sainthood.
now they can tape season xvii of "the simple life" while she's butch's biatch. sorry paris, there'll be no arc de triomphe this time.
Nvisiblewmn... Doesn't she need some miracles before they canonize her? I don't think that dumping Britney Spears counts.

Raffi... Somebody on one of the entertainment blogs suggested that very thing--figured she'd come away from it more popular than ever.
You're on to something here Kvatch...'Paris Hilton saves the world'...yeah...r i g h t! I just watched again the episode tonight the South Park boys did about her...had me laughing a lot!
My own blogwhoring here, Kvatch. I wrote my own open internet letter to the Governator about Paris.
Kvatch, there mere fact that she's a celebrity and has lasted this long is a miracle. Hell, that's two miracles!
Sumo... Perhaps we could send Paris to Iraq to raise the morale of he troops? She could flash her...well...you know.

Julie... I'll pop right over and take a look.

Nvisiblewmn... Very true, but perhaps that fact that her family hasn't disowned her yet is another miracle. There you go three right there. Canonization it is!
Bush and Paris are similar in that they are both Post Turtles.

A 70-year-old Texas Rancher got his hand caught in a gate while working cattle. He wrapped the hand in his bandana and drove his pickup to the doctor. While suturing the laceration, the doctor asked the old man about George W. Bush being in the White House.

The old Texan said, "Well, ya know, Bush is a 'Post Turtle.'"

Not knowing what the old man meant, the doctor asked what a Post Turtle was.

The old man looked at him and drawled, "When you're driving down a country road and you come across a fence post with a turtle balanced on top, that's a Post Turtle."

The old man saw a puzzled look on the doctor's face, so he continued to explain:

"You know he didn't get there by himself, he doesn't belong there, he can't get anything done while he's up there, and you just want to help the poor dumb bastard get down."

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