2007/04/04

The Global War On Error

Ft. Irwin, California (f-A-ke. P.) -

President Bush travelled to Ft. Irwin, California today to discuss how he intends to, "...make Congress his bitch," on the issue of emergency funding for the Iraq War.

Speaking in front of adoring troops--recently told if that they'd stop being whiny pussies and just play ball for the afternoon, they might avoid redeployment--Mr. Bush corrected a number of factual errors regarding his administration's current struggle with Congress over funding. First, the president stressed that, "...Congress must not tell the generals how to do their job," and added that the perception that the military is subordinate to civilian authorities is not in fact the case. He also pointed out that although the Constitution states that only Congress has the power to declare war, they ceded that power to him when they passed the 2002 joint resolution. "After all," remarked the President, "I'm the decider, and the Constitution is just a damn piece of paper!"

The President then informed the troops of other initiatives that he expects Congress to fund, starting with the 'Global War on Error'. "We can't have scientists and secular humanists telling us what's happening to our planet. If eggheads are allowed to dictate policy, then our economy is doomed," Mr. Bush said. 'The Global War on Leaks," is another funding priority. "I expect to put on soldier with a loaded pistol behind every single government employee. That'll take care of all those leaks."

Mr. Bush concluded his remarks by mentioning the 'Global War on Freaks'. "We need to stop coddling freaks in this country," the President said. "And I think that we should start with Lieberman and Schwarzenegger. Those two are just plain weird!"

16 Comments:

He also carried a blow up turkey and walked around smacking all the bald headed men with it. His screws aren't loose, they're lost.
You forgot the Global War on Fun. If it feels good, it should be illegal.
The problem with April is that you can only do satire on the 1st.
Peacechick... The sad fact is that, snark aside, Bush probably will try and use this to smack the Democrats.

Libby... We've already won that war. ;-)

Julie... Are you saying that I missed my "snark window"?
I just love how he yells at us during these speeches like we're 2 years old. Listening to him speak is unbearable much like fingernails across a chalk board.
He's always a day late and a brain short.
The brat frat boy can get all pissy when he's bitch slapped by the Dems. Me, I love watching!
Was he this pissy in the last days of Harken Energy?
Gracie... I think Bush is the 2 year old. He's like child caught lying who then repeats the lie hoping that it'll will become truth.

Sumo, PoP... I'd like to say that I think that the Democrats are going to win this round, but I don't think it's going to happen.

Fred... Probably worse then. Don't you think? He was personally invested in Harken. Not so much here.
I love that he has to read even his "set speeches" - like the one he rolled out (to no applause) at Fort Irwin. He can't remember all the catch phrases they use at all.

I wonder if he snorted some of Keith Richard's dad?
How could history ever remember this man with anything but disgust?
Snark window? Dude, you live in a snark glass house.

It just seems that, soon after April 1st, every time I read a satire I think, "hey, it's not April first," even though I read satire just about every other day of the year.
I believe that he thinks the Constitution was found in a Cracker-Jack box. Therefore he doesn't need to follow it.
Diva... I think that he's getting worse because he's distracted--worried about his rapidly disappearing legacy, I suppose.

Aaron... No truer words! 50 years from now, he'll go down as one of the worst in history.
Thank Gosh for the Kvatch News Service! I LOVE reading the real news!


Libby is right. I think it might have been Mencken who said something to the effect of "The chief worry of a puritan is that somewhere, someone might be having a good time."

Bush's legacy will be recorded in the vast selection of "tell-all" books about his presidency that we will be reading during the next few years. We will learn that he was a mentally ill president, that the 2000 election was a fraud, that Bush broke all kinds of laws, that he was out to void the Constitution and suspend Congress, etc. He WILL be remembered as one of the worst of all time, and I don't think it will take the public long to realize this.
Thank Gosh for the Kvatch News Service! I LOVE reading the real news!

:-) :-) :-)

It is my very great pleasure to bring you the news, Sir!

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