2007/03/06

Republicans Eat Their Own

I thought this evening that I'd write something pithy about the Libby conviction, but...I got nothin'. So...

No longer content to swift-boat their opponents, Republicans are now going after each other in a race to the bottom of sleazy campaign tactics. Salon has a delicious article detailing the latest incidents, but the best--the absolute gem--is an email circulating among the GOP base extolling them to, " '...trust your instincts' about the Mormon faith because 'Mitt Romney has a family secret he doesn't want you to know.' "

Gee...now what could that be, I wonder? Oh come on. Romney's got some polygamist ancestors! What else? Even if you hadn't read the breathless revelations in the media from a couple weeks back, I doesn't take a genius to puzzle out that Romney's almost certainly got a few more "great-great-grannies" than you or I.

And what about that anonymous emailer? For that matter, what about you and me? What nefarious skeletons can we dig out of our ancestral closets? Were your ancestors slave owners? No? Are you white? Then get a clue! By the time you go back as few as 5 generations you're the product of 32 different families, and chances are better than 50/50 that somewhere in there you've got a slave owner, a cattle rustler, or an indian killer. In other words, somewhere in your past one of your ancestors did some naught sh*t, and if that's the new standard by which we judge our candidates, then none of us are qualified to run.

20 Comments:

Purity of ancestor is not the problem, it's character. What is the make-up of the candidate's character? The GOP is mainly comprised of people who worship ancestors.
I do believe the most outrageous use of "ancestral purity" I ever heard was that idiot Imhofe (R-OK) claim he traced his family tree back eons and NOT ONE person was gay. I swear to you, I almost choked on that gem.
The GOP is mainly comprised of people who worship ancestors.

Peacechick... Well then Romney should be the perfect candidate considering he's got more than the average person. ;-)

Hill... I hadn't heard that story. What an asshole. My best one is the story told by my great-grandmother told about the cattle rustlers and slave owners on my grandfather's side of the family (she didn't think much of the man who married her daughter). Turns out the stories were all true...about her own family.
Being adopted has a good and a bad side. Nobody can trace my genetic roots.

The good side is: That means neither can the GOP. *giggle*

The bad side is: Lack of family medical history is a bad thing, as I find out more and more daily.

However. Before you all go writing in my name at the ballotbox, please understand that I've had enough youthful and adultful indiscretions to put me out of the race anyhow, even without ancestral interference.
*laughing uproariously*
It's not really about the ancestors, though; it's about reminding people that Romney belongs to a religion a lot of evangelicals consider a cult (and to be fair, I know some liberal types who feel the same).
Tom...no argument, but it doesn't make for nearly as sleazy a post. ;-)

Were I ever to run for office--and I have it on good authority that most of my friends would emmigrate if I ever did--the key would be to point out to blacks that my 4G and 5G-grandfathers were slave owners. Got to keep those tar brushes dripping, so to speak!

I've had enough youthful and adultful indiscretions to put me out of the race anyhow, even without ancestral interference.

Sewmouse... Do tell...
Whose ancestors owned slaves, were polygamists, were clowns, etc. Oy, I'm getting sick of this stuff and it's not even 2008 yet. They need to chill.

My family history is pretty clean. I'm 100% Italian - both sets of great-grandparents came to the US around 1900 from Italy. My great uncle did a family history once - he learned our earliest ancestor was a monk who left the order to start a family sometime around 1600. I guess I wouldn't do well with the conservative Catholic crowd.
My family history is pretty clean. I'm 100% Italian - both sets of great-grandparents came to the US around 1900 from Italy.

Oh...suuuurrreee it is--Mr. Cosa Nostra. Or should I refer to you as "Don Comandante"? ;-)
i'm thinking about running just so i can have someone do my family history for free- and i won't have to do any work!! :)
"...then none of us are qualified to run."

that could very well be true.

On the other hand I think the point is that when you claim to be holier than thou and you run on a platform to bring God back to Government or the Country back to God...Or if you run on racial purity or anti immigration...then you pretty much open yourself and your past up to scrutiny.

I don't think Omaba's distant relative being a slave owner will affect him.

However, Romney's distant relatives being polygamists may very well hurt him with the Fundy Base Repigs so rabidly court.

If the repiglican party was open, honest, and tolerant of various lifestyles, religions, and views, it wouldn't be an issue.

But when you set yourself up to be a holier than thou Evangelical Bible Thumping God Fearing Political Party, then yes I think it is a big deal and I think it is fair game.

Besides, Romney's dad worked for AMC and built the Gremlin and The Pacer - that alone disqualifies him from The Presidency.
Republicans have ong prided themselves on not doing these kinds of things among themselves. But Karl Rove injected this into the party in the 2000 primaries when the Bush campaign went after McCain's kid. The Bush people have been bullying other Republicans--quite effectively--ever since. It's no surprise that when this party gets out from under Karl Rove that it would be a Rovian free for all. It's going to kill them in 2008.
Mitt is the illegitimate son of Strom Thurmond, who served in the Senate with Trent Lott, who was interviewed on CNN by Paula Zahn, who was in Fahrenheit 911 with Ben Affleck, who was in Shakespeare in Love with Colin Firth, who was in Where the Truth Lies with Kevin Bacon.
The only thing a sane person needs to know, which already excludes 70% of the Conservatives, is that pre-speech Mitt said that it was great that the speaker following him was Ann Coulter.
Slave owners on my mother's southern side...they go way back as land owners in America. My father's side are turn of the century immigrants from England and I believe they were of the working class. As long as I wasn't a slave owner...I can sleep at night.
My Gr-Gr-Granma was the 5th wife of a locally famous polyg. I look at it this way: if the old lech hadn't decided to marry that 5th & final time, I wouldn't be here today. Lots of family secrets in UT involve finding out you & your spouse share common ancestors. I could care less about Romney's religion except for the illuminating light it sheds on the evangelical fundies fear of any competition for favored cult status.

hmmm, slave owners is the worst you can come up with? I'm guessing murdering cannibals for most euro desendants. How d'ya think we survived the Black Plague? and ... I would proudly vote for Kvatch -- would I have to move to SF first? ~~ D.K.
...i can have someone do my family history for free- and i won't have to do any work!!

Betmo... Don't wish for that unless you enjoy finding out that all of those "cherished" family stories are all bullsh*t! ;-)

PoliShifter... I think you've hit it on the head. Mormons and evangelicals are natural political allies, but the Republican base is so insular they can't even consider it. BTW... The Pacer? No sh*t! What a great piece of trivia.
It's going to kill them in 2008.

SA... Sort of like the Yugoslavian states after Tito, huh? I like it. They go picnicing on each other, and the Dems clean house.

TPM... That was scary wasn't it. I was amazed at how many people backtracked after Coulter's comment. Did Romney?

Mr_Blog... Sheesh! I think that first one might be a stretch, but...on the other hand everyone seems to be the illegitimate son of, or owned by, Strom Thurmond. So maybe...
As long as I wasn't a slave owner...I can sleep at night.

Sumo... Nope, nope, nope. That's no how it works. The stain follows you, you see.

Lots of family secrets in UT involve finding out you & your spouse share common ancestors.

D.K... Oh hell, I've done that for my Minnesotan in-laws, and they didn't even have the crutch of being Mormons. Of course, when ever I bring up one of these less than savory revelations, the usual response from the Swedes is..."Yup, 'splains a lot."
"...or an indian killer."

Don't even get me started.
My ancestors include a philatelist and a practicing homo sapiens. There, it's off my chest.

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