2007/02/21

Confession Is Good For The Pocketbook

I can't stand it anymore! I've been living a lie, and I must confess to my battle with a 'dark side'. You see I've been abusing meth-amphibian for years and engaging in immoral behavior with butch toads. Can you ever forgive me?

Whew. I feel so much better. So...uh...can I have my 130 large now? I mean if it's good enough for Reverend Ted...

23 Comments:

Can I confess to things too? I could use some money
Oh man, if I could make money on confessing all of the bad bad bad things I have done...

Interesting point you make through humor.
Oh NO!!!! Not the Minneapolis area!! Oh man. We just got rid of this character.
Scott, PhoenixNYC...confess away. Apparently the folks at the New Life Church are so gullib--forgiving that they'll pay for anything.

Hariseldon67... Pastor Ted is coming for ya porkchop! :-)
"130 large" and "butch toads" are probably two phrases that shouldn't appear in close proximity. Not that there's anything wrong with that...
"130 large" and "butch toads" are probably two phrases that shouldn't appear in close proximity.

Hey what can I say? Meth-amphibian--it's a f*ckin' madman!
I wouldn't mind getting fired if I still got paid.

Ri-damn-diculous!!

Clever post, though ;-).
Damn! I got in the wrong racket.
Amazing! I like the humor you've added to this insanity - $130,000 is not bad pay plus the fringe benefits included in this cozy little package must be heavenly.
I'm glad you've been saved and are no longer a Toadasexual anymore. As the Reverend Ted would say "Praise the Lord, I've been saved".

God Bless and please dear Lord forgive me for taking your name in vain.
Well these are the geniuses who "cured him of his gayness". Maybe he's their paid spokesmodel.
It is crazy how much those people get paid
I wouldn't mind getting fired if I still got paid.

Pam...wouldn't we all! It's like Lew said...should'a gotten into the religiosity racket.

I like the humor you've added to this insanity

Thanks Gracie. Without snark, I am nothing.
AnonP..."Toadasexual"! Awesome! I can feel myself backsliding already.

Fashiongirl... I think that considering Pastor Ted's vocation, "Spokeswitness" might be more appropriate. Perhaps "Spokeslytizer"?

It is crazy how much those people get paid

Graeme...and just for copping to abusing meth. Imagine what he'd have gotten paid if it had been say...LSD?
Don't you have to spend some hours in rehab for your instant de-gay-ification before you get the big wad-o-bucks?
"Meth-amphibian."

Sweet.
I've always thought it helpful to regard religion as just another business. It has the advantages that the product, salvation, does not require raw materials, labor, manufacturing, storage, or a distribution system. All you need is a storefront (church, temple or synagogue) and a basket to put the money in.

There is no way to test if your product is defective. People are not likely to come back from the dead and sue you because they didn't go to heaven like you promised.

Best of all, the government then gives you tax advantages over other businesses.
Who does this guy think he is, a Congressmen?
Don't you have to spend some hours in rehab for your instant de-gay-ification

PoP...not if you're using Pastor Ted's amazing liniment, Gay-b-Gone. It's the miracle cure.

"Meth-amphibian."

NBfH...glad you enjoyed that!
SadButTrue...no truer words. Personally, I'd like to get in on some of that fat "religiosity" cash!

Who does this guy think he is, a Congressmen?

Fred...not a Congressman...a Canadian!
Well, I'd confess but I'd have to stand in line behind all of the others lined up to cash in on confessing and then end up depressed because the money would probably run out before it got to me. So...I'll keep my "dark side" issues to myself and revel in them.

:-)
Sometimes I think my employer would pay me to not come in anymore, then they disappoint me and make me come in to get paid. It is an injustice that just because I have not gotten a message from a gay meth dealer (that I know of), I cannot get paid a lot of money to stop coming into work.
I hope Pastor Ted visits St Cloud regularly. There are a lot of souls that need saving up here.

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