Mandatory Data Retention - Gonzales Is Lying To Us!
CNET reports that Gonzales and FBI Director Robert Mueller...
...privately met with representatives of AOL, Comcast, Google, Microsoft and Verizon last week and said that Internet providers--and perhaps search engines--must retain data for two years to aid in anti-terrorism prosecutions...In other words the DoJ's arguments supporting the retention provisions introduced by Diana DeGette (D. CO) (the so-called "kiddie-porn" provisions), are nothing more than a smoke screen--a diversion to force the debate onto more friendly ground. CNET rightly points out that were the DoJ's true intentions widely publicized, they might have a much tougher time getting the public and telcos on board.
The Era of the Low-jack Is At Hand
VeriChip chairman Scott Silverman, possibly emboldened by Bu$hCo's call to know "who is in our country and why they are here," has floated the idea of "chipping" foreign workers so that they can be tracked. Apparently VeriChip has been in discussions with officials in Washington about the idea of using RFIDs for employee identification and at border crossings.
And the conventional wisdom suggests that the public is nervous about the use and abuse of RFID technology. Gee, I wonder why?
As The Iraqis Stand Down
Today President Bush announced that 1500 US troops currently stationed in Kuwait would be "standing up" to replace 1500 Iraqi troops that had suddenly decided to sit down in the Ramadi area. When asked about what appeared to be a sudden change in policy, the President replied -
Nah that was just a mistake. I meant--what I meant to say was, 'As the Iraqis stand down we will sta--'The President soon left the briefing room clutching his left-side after being poked hard in the ribs by former Deputy Chief of Staff, Karl Rove.
EU Fires Back On "Illegal" Data Exchange
Of course the US, like a petulant child, has fired back by threatening the Europeans with delayed flights, fines, denial of landing rights, and extensive searches of US bound passengers if the EU fails to comply. So you know what I say...for every fine or denial of landing rights, the EU should respond in kind. In the game of international air travel, the government subsidized European carriers will suffer much less in a game of brinkmanship than the bankrupt US carriers.
Kvatch Kvetches - Like Doom...Only We're The Monsters
Like Doom...Only We're the Monsters
So get this...a company called Left Behind Games plans to distribute a video-game based on the popular books of the same name. In this first-person shooter move through a future New York and, armed to the teeth, convert or kill infidels who stand in their way. Creepy, huh? Well, as if that weren't enough, the game will be marketed directly through evangelical church networks like the mega-church empire of pastor Mark Carver. Conversion by the sword indeed!
7 Years and 6 Months Is All It Takes?
Dennis Hastert is about to make history as the Republican serving longest as the House Speaker, and all it took was a paltry 7.5 years. So the question arises: Do Republican's really hate their own that much, or do they govern so ineptly that they haven't had enough chances to touch the record, 17 years by Democrat Sam Rayburn.
God Must Be Spotting Him
Pat Robertson can leg press 2000 pounds. No really! Says so right here. Though I have to say that I'm kind of disappointed that it wasn't a big fat rock--you know the kind they used to use to crush heathens.
Early Signs of Desperation in the Nutsphere
Now most of that post was exaggeration, but there was a kernel of truth in ever item, especially number 1:
Never comment on "lefty" blogs - It just legitimizes their sad and useless lives, in addition to driving up their traffic stats.So here's the thing: In the last month, Blognonymous has been getting an increasing number of wing-nut comments, and not the usual anonymous troll drivel either. Nope, some of this stuff, while still insulting, is often long and occasionally cogent.
So here's the question: What's up in the nut-sphere? Studiously avoiding left-wing blogs is almost a commandment for right-wingers. Are they losing traffic? Is a never ending chorus of "Yeah. Right on!" comments in response to every inane post no longer enough? Or perhaps, it's the first signs of desperation. November is coming and looks like the left is beginning to ascend. Hmmm...
(Thanks to Cartledge @ Talk About Corruption for the post that got me thinking along these lines.)
Kvatch's Kommandos Seize Union Square
Union Square Corners: NE, NW, SW, SE
Union Sq. South, Market St., Maiden Ln., Stockton St.
Kill Your Cable
Television is not evil. Television is just a box. Cable...now that's EVIL! 100 channels, 75 of which are devoted to bedazzling your sweaters and melting away 50 pounds without exercise, is EVIL! A four-hour installation window is EVIL. And vacuous content interspersed with inane advertising that they actually get you to pay $70 bucks a month for...IS EVIL!
But let's not pontificate. Let's apply mathematics to Satan's push-medium.
How much television do you watch? 10 hours a week? 15? For me it's a bit less than the former, but lets use that higher figure. So...'bout 65 hours a month. That works out to a $1.00 an hour, and it's not even really an hour of entertainment. It's really about 40 minutes of entertainment and 20 of commercials. For that price you could buy a song from iTunes and keep it...forever. At on third the price you pay for cable you could join a movie service like Netflix and get all--and I mean all--of the television you normally watch plus a ton of movies, commercial free. 4 discs/week x 4 hours/disc x 4+ weeks/month...yup 'bout 70 hours of entertainment a month for a fraction of cable's price.
The only wrinkle here is seeing shows the moment they come out. But I'm here to tell you that watching a whole season of your favorite show over the course of 4 weeks is eminently more satisfying than watching it in real time, and it's totally a pull medium. I get what I want when I want it.
Yes indeed, until the IPTV standards mature, I say kill your cable not your television! (Unless you're a big sports fan, and then I've got nothing.)
Diebold Needs To Be Outlawed. Here's Why...
The controversy surrounding Diebold voting machines escalates as serious new security flaws are discovered that the company seems loathe to fix. And why? Because Diebold officials don't believe that anyone would try to exploit these vulnerabilities. From the N.Y. Times -
The company's letter went on: "The probability for exploiting this vulnerability to install unauthorized software that could affect an election is considered low."My opinion? Diebold should be banned from the market because they make faulty economic arguments to support a position that leaves their machines open to mass election fraud. In short, they just don't f*cking get it.
David Bear, a spokesman for Diebold Election Systems, said the potential risk existed because the company's technicians had intentionally built the machines in such a way that election officials would be able to update their systems in years ahead.
"For there to be a problem here, you're basically assuming a premise where you have some evil and nefarious election officials who would sneak in and introduce a piece of software," he said. "I don't believe these evil elections people exist.
Happy Blogiversary To Me
So I guess it's time to get a little choked up and thank everyone involved for turning this into the success it's become. THANK YOU ALL! This is as fine a "Blogiversary" present as any frog could wish for.
(OK...ok now that all the sentimentality is done with, check out the post below. These are my Kommandos.)
San Francisco and Oakland Occupied By Kommandos
The Oathing Statement
At a today's White House press briefing, Secretary Snow clarified why Attorney General Gonzales is allowed to interpret the Constitution as he sees fit: All cabinet members in this administration issue a "Statement at Oathing" which lays out their interpretation of their duties under the Constitution.
Constitutional scholars have noted that this procedure is similar in principle to the Presidential Crossing of the Fingers. (Depicted on the right)
(HT to Rex Kramer, Danger Seeker for coming up with this gem.)
Lay and Skilling Are Done - Crime and Punishment Update
It won't bring back the millions that were bilked from Enron's employees, but it's still SWEET!
UPDATED 12:08pm PDT
On second thought...why can't we bring back those millions? Though I'd like to see Lay rot in jail, it won't make him feel one shred of remorse, won't bring him low they way he deserves, but I've got a deal to offer. These two claim their assets are now down to the 20's to 50's of millions, but I don't buy it. So let's say it's double that if we liquidated everything.
So here's the deal: In return for avoiding jail, Lay and Skilling agree to liquidate all, and I mean all, of their assets, and the proceeds are then turned over to the retirement fund for former Enron employees (already funded with $68M)--probably bring the fund up to $150M.
Would that be enough? Probably not. Enron had over 10,000 employees, right? But with appreciation over the long term it would sure as sh*t be better than letting those assets stay in the Lay and Skilling families. And please don't berate me lines like "...it's not fair to their wives and children." Tough! The spouses can go back to work. The children can work their way through public college, just like all of the rest of us. Let them cry, "Daddy squandered my inheritance," that will do more to punish Lay and Skilling than jail time ever could.
Kvatch Kvetches - Could you be made unemployable?
At Least We've Got Our Work...
And it seems as if Congress may bring some sanity to the issue taxing telecommuters by regulating dual taxation schemes, such as New York's where they attempt to tax your out-of-state earnings right along with your New York earnings.
...When We're Allowed To Work.
The Senate's immigration legislation contains a new employment verification scheme that would require that eligibility not only be demonstrated but checked against a national database. Does it occur to anyone that such a database, in the wrong hands, could be used to make a person unemployable? "Kvatch? Mr. Kvatch... Hey you're that unhinged blogger. Nope, you don't check out. We can't hire you."
Congress Howls, But Only When Bu$hCo Comes After Them
Poor Speaker Hastert, looks like he may be going down and just when an emboldened DoJ is willing to break 200+ years of precedent in handling Congressional wrongdoing. But do any of us really feel sorry for him or any of our other lawmakers? Nope. Seems Congress only cares about Bu$hCo excesses when it's their own asses that are on the line.
Grand Oil Party
Kvatch Konsiders - The Real Purpose of a Border Fence
So the question arises: What is the purpose of the a fence on the border--a fence that has never existed in the history of the United States on a border that never had to be defended in this fashion? Is it to keep foreigners out or to keep Americans in? Without a barrier, how long can the vampire that is Bu$hCo keep tax-paying, stability providing, consumers cooped up in an America that no longer delivers on it's promises?
For now, the barrier to exit is merely psychological, but there may come a time when the barrier becomes real.
SF Board of Education to JROTC: You're Outta Here
Seems that the military's "Don't ask don't tell" policy isn't just offensive to those of us in the bleachers. The San Francisco Board of Education has called it an -
...unjust, indefensible, unintelligent, state-sanctioned act of homophobia...and has prepared a resolution that would force JROTC out of San Francisco's public schools by 2008.
Anyone care to speculate on how Bu$hCo will retaliate against the City? Maybe withhold our Federal AIDS funding again? Or perhaps they'll leave it to their proxies. I'm sure that as soon as Bill "Clown Shoes" O'Reilly gets a hold of this he'll call down al Qaeda's wrath on us or something equally stupid.
Kommandos Memorial Weekend Protest, May 26th and 27th
Interested in joining up? Then check out the Kommandos Project where you'll find instructions, hints, slogans, more slogans, inspirational stories, cool banners for your website...in short everything a Kommander needs!
Nothing Says "F*ck You NSA!" Like Encrypted VOIP
Well with the NSA moving to intercept anything and everything that you send over the Internet, moving to record every call you make, it was only a matter of time before someone would provide encryption for the Voice Over Internet Protocol (VOIP). And guess who is at the forefront once again? Phil Zimmerman.
Way to go Phil. Let's all just hope that the US doesn't follow the UK's lead and criminalize the private use of encryption.
Gonzales Ignores His Constitutional Duty Once Again
Lest anyone forget, the oath sworn by all cabinet members is to the Constitution not the President, and unfortunately for the prostrate receptacle of feces that currently occupies the AG's office, that includes the 4th Amendment. But of course this doesn't trouble Gonzales, a man more interested in keeping the administration's secrets than actually investigating wrongdoing, and why should it? Bu$hCo has taken great pains to classify any information that might implicate them in wrongdoing.
Case in point, the exposure of NSA's warrantless surveillance program, about which Gonzales noted:
...the First Amendment right of a free press should not be absolute when it comes to national security. If the government's probe into the NSA leak turns up criminal activity, prosecutors have an obligation to enforce the law....keeping in mind that, for Gonzales, criminal activity doesn't include the illegal program itself.
Conservative Crybaby Whines at WaPo
Crying "Bush isn't one of us" rings pretty hollow when you voted for the Kowboy Koward...twice! And it's not like Republicans aren't willing to tag liberals as responsible for the most extreme elements of the Democratic party. So please explain to us...Richard...how is it that you missed the signs--Rampant cronyism in the first term and in Texas before that; A state Republican leadership that actually said that they wanted to be rid of Bush so he couldn't do any further damage.
What's that you say? You've got a book coming out? Oh well then, that explains it.
Ripped From Tomorrow's Headlines
"Stop Loss" Policy To Be Enforced On Administration's Poll Results
Political Capital Exhausted, Congress Raises Presidential Capital Ceiling
Got your thinking caps on? How about some more...
Star Wars For The '00s
And who will be bidding in this Star Wars for the '00s? Well Halliburton hasn't announced anything yet, but if they do they'll be in fine company. Lockheed Martin, Raytheon, and Northrop Grumman are all mentioned.
I expect to see the government announce multi-year plan to create force-fields for our border any day now.
Welfare for the Rich Signed Into Law
President Bush today signed a $70 billion, election-year tax-cut package, predicting it will bring a "strong lift" to the economy and "help millions of Americans who are saving for the future."A lie (duh!), as numerous sources have pointed out, including this blog, the cuts will help almost no one below the $150,000 level.
"The opponents of these tax cuts were wrong when they voted against them the first time," Bush said, referring to Democrats who opposed tax cuts passed by the Republican-controlled Congress in 2001 and 2003.Wrong again President Neuman. The Dems were simply supporting sound fiscal policy and the majority of Americans who won't benefit a whit from your millionaire's welfare program. Maybe that's why polls show your support among middle and lower class Americans eroding like a New Orleans levee.
Bush said the tax cuts have benefited Americans at all income levels.Bwahahahahahah! Might be true, if by "all" income levels you mean all the levels above $500,000 a year. And...as if these statements weren't enough, Bush issued another Indivisible Quantum of Stupidity by uttering the following, You cut taxes and the tax revenues increase.
Midterms here we come...
Army Men Project
Kvatch Kvetches - When Down, The GOP Goes For The Heart
And you thought politics in your neighborhood was nasty...
In California's Central Valley you've got a nasty little State Assembly race where one GOP candidate is attacking his opponent over the man's heart transplant. You've got to read this to believe it, but suffice to say it takes the idea of 'swift boating' to a new low.
When Your Proxy Is In Trouble Assert National Security
While we're all waiting for Rove to be indicted, Bu$hCo is moving quietly to quash the EFF's class-action suit against AT&T. AT&T's own attempt to get the suit dismissed, on the grounds that the EFF wasn't allowed to have the evidence, failed, but don't worry it's the Feds to the rescue. The administration claims that the plaintiffs have no chance to prove their case because a trial would compromise national security. Thus...a motion to...you guessed it...dismiss.
EPA Defends Inaction and Skewers The Auto Industry in the Process
10 states including New York and California are suing the EPA over the agency's refusal to regulate emissions. The plaintiffs claim that EPA is not living up to the requirements of the Clean Air Act. The defendant, interestingly, is claiming it doesn't have the authority. So here's the thing, if EPA lacks the authority, then maybe the auto industry's suit against CA should be dismissed. After all, what car makers claim is that California isn't allowed to regulate tailpipe emissions because only the EPA has that authority. Ironic.
Kvatch Konsiders Congress - Collaborators? Co-conspirators?
Now a case can be made that by failing to act on Bu$hCo's "high crimes and misdemeanors", members of congress are in fact collaborators, but if a civil court (as in the EFF vs. AT&T case), the Federal Circuit, or an impeachment trial rules that Bush is acting illegally, doesn't that make the congressmen that were briefed un-indicted co-conspirators? What if NSA's phone record database is being used for purposes other than searching for terrorists, like searching for leaks? What then?
(Thanks to Cartledge @ Talk About Corruption for the Inspiration.)
Whoops! What was that date again?
The release of the video, taken from a Pentagon security camera, comes after a Freedom of Information Act request by legal watchdog Judicial Watch. The group said it hoped to dispel conspiracy theories about the crash. "Finally, we hope that this video will put to rest the conspiracy theories involving American Airlines Flight 77," president Tom Fitton said.
Yes sir...I can just feel those conspiracy theories being dispelled.
Kvatch's Kommandos - A Big Day of Protest
Prepare your troops, and on that Friday (or Saturday if that works better for you) inundate your towns, your cities, streets, shops, and stores, malls and markets, museums and monuments, parks and piers, cars and cabs. Let's make this into a movement that will get noticed. Let me know that you're on board, I'll publish the list as we get close to the date, and then we'll go to war...to end war.
And check out our new blog devoted to the War on War -
The Kommandos Project.
Of Concrete and Favoritism
News reports in the San Francisco Chronicle have exposed Pacific Cement, a now defunct company accused of supplying substandard concrete to many Bay Area projects including the retrofit of the Bay Bridge and new work on it's western approaches. We better hope that Caltrans dismissed this company before they did any major work on the new Eastern Span, or once again the Bay Area will find itself screwed--waiting many additional years for California to get the seismically unsound span replaced.
GOP Running Scared...Finally
Frist is clueless, but that's not true of everyone in the Republican party. The First Lady, for example, is calling on congressional Republicans to basically shut up--might as well just beg the GOP to save her husband from a premature return to private life.
With luck Frist and Hastert will just keep on doing what they're doing, and Bush will head back to Texas just before embarking on an extended vacation in the Federal pen.
Future Headlines - Bush Goes Negative One Last Time
In related news, a number of prominent liberals have recently floated the notion of impeaching Representative Pelosi herself. One source, speaking on the condition of anonymity said, "Well, if we can't have Bush, I'd be willing to settle for Pelosi's stupid skinny ass."
Nixon vs. Bush - By The Numbers
Nixon entered off office in January, 1969 with a 65% approval rating, and despite equaling it just after his reelection in 72, he was never any better. When he resigned, after 64 months in office, his approval rating stood at about 26%. That means his approval declined an average of .61 points per month.
Bush, in contrast, had a peak approval rating of 91% one month after the September 11 attack. From there he's declined to a miserable 29%. So in 55 months, Bush's approval has declined by 1.13 points per month, almost double Nixon's rate. Is Bush twice as bad? Well, I'd say that the numbers don't lie, and at this rate Bush might manage to hit zero before he leaves office.
When it comes to NSA, nothing says "F*ck you!" like ciphertext.
Katherine Harris - Proof positive that God is on the side of the Democrats.
(If you don't get that first one, just ask me, and thanks to Tina @ Fuzzy and Blue for the inpsiration.)
Bu$hCo and the Indivisible Quantum of Stupidity
Bush on the subject of extending tax breaks (mostly for the rich, but of course that doesn't bother Bush):
If Congress doesn't act, your taxes are going to go up, and you're not going to like it...
McClellan on the UN's call for bringing Guantanamo's detainees to trial swiftly (a complete non-sequitur):
These are dangerous terrorists that we're talking about.
Bush on the outsourcing of jobs to countries like India (a "duh!" statement if ever there was one):
People do lose jobs as a result of globalization and it's painful for those who lose jobs...
Bush on deficit reduction (presumably he's talking about Republican's here):
Here's the way Washington works. They'll increase your taxes and they'll figure out new ways to spend your money.
Bush on the use of ethanol and ethanol blends (totally off the reservation here):
We can't use all the corn -- people gotta eat -- animals gotta eat too!
Are 1 in 30 Americans really terrorist suspects?
I don't have much to add to such astounding, catastrophic news, but let me make one single point. If conservatively we say that phone records for only...say...10,000,000 Americans are involved in this massive breach of the 4th amendment, then Bu$hCo will have to defend surveillance of 1 in every 30 Americans. In other words, Bu$hCo's only defense will be to claim that it considers 1 of every 30 Americans to be a terrorist suspect! Think about that...
Kvatch Kvetches - The future of gas is gas futures?
Leave It To The Minnesotans
Did you know that you can buy options at today's prices on future gas purchases? Well, as my in-laws would say, "Ya sure, you betcha!" They're doing it at First Fuels Bank in St. Cloud, MN where you can fill up with fuel that you purchased...whenever. But, though this is a great example of a free-market system, I'm still uneasy with any system that encourages consumption and discourages conservation.
So Much For the Volunteer Army
I know the armed forces are short of troops and that quotas are going unfilled. I know that Bu$hCo is preparing troops for rotation into units that can attack Iran. And supposedly we're "at war" and most troops, reserve and otherwise, serve at the pleasure of the President in time of war. Still though, it seems wrong to deny a request to resign from a reservist who's served his 8 years.
Hayden - The Harriet Miers of CIA
(Thanks to PoliShifter @ Pissed on Politics for supplying that last piece of the puzzle.)
GOP Reaches Deal on Millionaire Welfare
For The 500th Post...A Big "Thank You"
And to Mike who encouraged the verse.
To Drew for the first reprint
And to Rex whom I cannot coerce.
To Helen and Stacy, Enigma and Dusty,
For attention when this blog was young.
To Lily, Alicia, Generik, and Abi...
For their magnificent guest blogging fun.
To Windspike my dependable compadre
And for a warm BARBARian reception,
And to the rest of you, my readers, commenters,
and friends that I'd like to mention...
Rest assured that you're in my thoughts
With every click, each hit, and post.
Cause it's good to blog and good to share
With those who write, and blog, and care.
Thanks for reading. Thanks for writing. Thanks for everything.
At Bu$hCo Diversity Stops With The Cabinet
Now, with 6 years to assess the administration's real performance, we find--surprise, surprise--that Bush not only does not lead on diversity, he can't even best the right's evil nemesis, Bill Clinton. WaPo's got the goods straight from the House Government Reform Committee. Have a look.
Kvatch Konsiders - Lotteries Instead of Elections
Now...why do I mention this? Well some decades ago in science fiction there was a popular notion that anybody deliberately angling to achieve public office should be immediately disqualified (Heinlein maybe?). In fact, Arthur Clarke popularized this notion in his novel The Songs of Distant Earth, where instead of electing their leaders people where chosen to serve by lottery, and I believe that once chosen most citizens would serve honorably and fairly.
This begs the question: With corruption rampant, special interests and corporations exerting more influence than the electorate, and leaders so morally bankrupt that they can't even abide by the documents they've sworn to protect...wouldn't we be better off if we just chose our leaders via lottery? In other words, fix the duration of service, pay a more than decent wage, make it mandatory, and let people govern themselves...for real.
Time For Episcopalians and Anglicans To Divorce
Perhaps it's because California isn't really as inclusive a place as it likes to pretend. Maybe it's because the Episcopal Church's hierarchy continually warned of the dire consequences of electing "another" gay bishop. Maybe it's not about homosexuality at all since two of the candidates were women. Or maybe it has to do with the threats made by African and Latin American bishops or the relationships that these churches, arguably the center of gravity on the modern Anglican Communion, are making with American churches that object to Gene Robinson.
Whatever the reason, California's Episcopalians elected the Right Rev. Mark Andrus of Alabama, putting off the question of gays in the church for another day. But the question remains: When will American Anglicans follow their inclination to be inclusive and to discard the hate and loathing for homosexuals that continual flogging of the Old Testament engenders? The force of law with respect to church property is on the side of the Episcopalians. There is arguably no good reason for these two churches to stay together other than for the sake of tradition. Any American churches that wish to join up with their spiritual fellow travelers in Africa should be wished well but told politely to leave.
In short, it's time for the Episcopalians and the Anglicans to divorce.
Just click the picture and you'll see why.
(HT to James and Genius of Insanity.)
Hayden To Replace Goss At CIA - Now The Fun Really Begins
So, having cleared CIA of it's most senior and effective staff, the employees most likely to resist Bu$hCo attempts to twist the agency's mission into one of "intelligence manufacture", Bush brings in a man who has no scruples about violating an agency's charter (NSA), and apparently no ethical qualms when it comes to the legality of his agency's actions.
This is going to be fun.
With CIA Fully Under Bu$hCo Control, Goss Resigns
I would like to report to you that the agency (CIA) is back on a very even keel and sailing well.Blognonymous translation: "The dissenters have been silenced. The leakers have been fired. Your minions have been installed, and everybody knows that their job is to fit the intelligence to your agenda."
Identity Theft Through Boarding Pass
We logged on to the BA website, bought a ticket in Broer's name and then, using the frequent flyer number on his boarding pass stub, without typing in a password, were given full access to all his personal details - including his passport number, the date it expired, his nationality (he is Dutch, living in the UK) and his date of birth. The system even allowed us to change the information.
Kvatch Kvetches - It's A Dangerous World Out There
What does Microsoft have up their sleeve? Automated censorship...
In fact they're trying to patent it with new filing for a system that would bleep out words in voice over IP and other streaming audio content. So pretty soon, when you're listening to that feed of Bill Maher, it'll sound like, "[bzzzt] Bush [crackle] [pop] bin Laden [mrrrrmph]."
...and the Feds will get to listen in...
Since the FCC has determined that VOIP must include the ability for the government to snoop the connection. Wonder if the Feds will enjoy those censored broadcasts as much as we will?
...and we'll get to pay for the whole thing.
Because the FCC has also ruled that broadband providers will have to pick up the tab for all of this whippy new surveillance technology--sort of a "wiretap tax" that will ultimately get passed on to...you guessed it, us!
When Deflecting the Scandal Du Jour Is Not Enough
But you have to believe that there will come a time when there won't be anything left for the administration to try. What might happen on that day?
Q: Scott, we were wondering about the President's reaction to the indictment of Karl Rove.
MR. McCLELLAN: Democrats--
Q: I'm sorry. I don't think I understand.
MR. McCLELLAN: It's the Democrats fault. If you look back over the course of this administration everything that's gone wrong can be traced back to the Demo--
Q: Well perhaps...but we'd like to know if the President is concerned that the Fitzgerald investigation may go as high as the Vice President.
MR. McCLELLAN: Gas prices...we're facing a very serious situation with supply, and the President is doing everything possi--ensuring that the American can get gasoline at reasona--
Q: But Scott, what does that have to do with a possible indictment of the Vice President?
MR. McCLELLAN: I don't think th...hey look at this shiny object...and remember...Clinton got a blowjob in the Oval Office.
Kvatch Konsiders - Net neutrality, what's the big deal?
How would you feel if I-95 announced an exclusive deal with General Motors to provide a special "rush-hour" lane for GM cars only?So maybe it's time to start thinking of the Internet as if it were a public utility of old-a trust, an essential part of our life and of our democracy. Would that mean that we need to remove it from the telcos in order to preserve it? Perhaps.
Glinda Delivers The Good News To Bush's Heir
We're off to see our leader
The glorious prez from Texahs.
We hear he's going to make us his heir
Cause he no longer needs the laws.
He no longer needs the laws because
Democracy sucks. It really does,
And 'cause--because, because, because, because...
Elections are hooey and full of flaws!
We're off to to see our leader
The glorious prez from Texahs!
...and The Station Agent responds with verse!
Religion of Rex Rejected
But...so what?! Contented with my lot, reinvigorated, regurgitated, brimming with bile and snark, I'm back to do battle with the forces of evil! So Bring it on, Rex! I got yer freedom-lovin' rightch here!
Hold on to your hats...
Kvatch Kvestions - States Suing the Federal Government
Now you're probably saying to yourself, "What's the problem here? Shouldn't states be allowed to sue the feds?" And the answer is of course...yes...when the Democrats are in power. But when were talking about 'The Decider' then...uh, uh, nope, no way! It's sort of like a child suing their parents because they don't want to eat their peas, and you wouldn't allo--
Hey!--Who are you guys! What are you doi--[mrrmmmmppppp!] [grrrgggg!]
The management of Blognonymous would like to announce that at 3:30 pm this afternoon, an elite special unit of Kvatch's Kommandos executed an "extraordinary rendition" on their leader, spiriting him off for some heavy deprogramming sessions. Kvatch may return tomorrow if he gets his little frog head screwed on straight. Otherwise, he may never return.
The Automobile - Nothing Is More American
American power rides on 4 wheels. Our automobile industry has provided more prosperity to more Americans than any industry in history. We live for our cars. We recreate with our cars. What is America's favorite sport? Say it proudly...NASCAR!
Indeed, we love our cars, but not just any cars...manly cars, beefy cars, muscular cars--cars with fins, fenders, and flair. So it comes as no surprise that freedom-hating Americans (I'm talking l'bruls here) choose for transportation vehicles that hardly even deserve to be called "CAR"!
Take your average latte-sucking, sunglass wearing, Prius driving Angelino. These wimps wave smugly too each other as they pass on the freeway not realizing that to drive is to do battle--to enter a winner take all contest that compels you not to show up in something that looks like a rolling glob of mashed potatoes. Did Patton wave to Rommel as he bore down on him in the desert? He did not! And what about all of those other silly "hybrid" cars? Not a manly vehicle in the bunch:
- Insight (Honda) - May get the best gas mileage available, but it still looks like a rolling piece of candy-corn. Might as well be a tricycle with an internal combustion engine.
- Civic (Honda) - Oh sure...drive a car whose Nipponese nameplate is older than your mother and that looks like s gumdrop.
- Prius (Toyota) - An evil plot to take over the world that...well...you know what I think it looks like.
- Accord (Honda) - If you're grandfather was Japanese, this is what he'd drive--so rounded and boring that Accord drivers are often mistaken for narcoleptics.
What are 750 laws compared to the defense of liberty?
- 256 instances of "persuading" evil-doers to give up America-hating and to cooperate with us in the global war on...uh...whatever it is that we're calling it today
- 8 closed door meetings with environmental experts from ExxonMobil, ChevronTexaco, and Royal Dutch Shell
- 150 opportunities to reign in hippie librarians with a well-timed subpoenas
- 30 instances of telling Congress that they shouldn't worry their pretty little heads about how the administration is using the Patriot Act
- 116 all expense paid vacations to Rumy's Home for Wayward America-destroyers
- 18 "snakes-in-the-grass" that were encouraged investigate alternate opportunities after they tattled on the administration
- 36 bazillion intercepted communications between terrorists and freedom-hating collaborators here in the America (...but we'll only count these as one, since all the data went to the same place)
Real Americans Don't Mind Being Whores
In response to a constituent's question, "Do you think we are prostitutes? Do you think you can buy us?" House Speaker, Dennis Hastert's office issued a statement that read:
Real Americans don't mind being whores when it's their government that's doing the pimping.And Eric Ueland, chief of staff to Senator Bill Frist (R. TN), whose office played a main role in pulling the proposal together, said that people should just shut their big yappers and head to Wal-Mart for the jumbo pack of Ho-Ho's. "...I mean, count your blessings. We could just take the money and use it to fund retiring ExxonMobil CEO, Lee Raymond's pension."
Here at Blognonymous, we couldn't agree more.
Early this evening Kvatch Kopf, esteemed frog and liberal commentator, emerged from rehab at the Betty Cracker Center for Pain-in-the-Ass Liberals to announce his new found love for America -
I just want to express my gratitude to all of my friends during this trying time and to acknowledge Rex Kramer, Danger Seeker for his intervention and support in helping to steer me right. I now feel ready to love, freedom, America, and my President (in an entirely platonic way) with every bone in my squishy little body.The Bush administration expressed its satisfaction with these new developments by announcing that Mr. Kopf would be offered the position of Secretary of the Interior, replacing recent nominee Dirk Kempthorne who stepped aside when it became known that nobody knew who the hell he was.