2006/12/27

Thoughts While At Home

50 Years of Marriage

Mama and Papa Kvatch will be celebrating their golden wedding anniversary tomorrow night, and I must admit I have a hard time wrapping my head around 50 years of marriage. But...as I contemplate their's, I can see parallels to my own.

For instance, I know that my parents married early but had kids late (at least for their generation). They had careers and didn't feel secure about having kids until they were in their 30's. The Frogette and I had a similar experience, but by the time we felt secure enough to contemplate children, our moment had passed. My parents courtship, from first date to marriage lasted 4 months. The Frogette and I dated for only 3 months before getting engaged, and we were married 8 months later. When it's right you just know.

I'm not sure how my parents made it through 50 years, but I do know one thing...their relationship improved a lot once my brother and I were out of the house. We (especially me) were disruptive and manipulative, and I think that if they had it to do over again, they might have decided not to have children.

I often wonder if I'm living the life that my parents might have wished for each other?

17 Comments:

My parents hit the big "five-oh" the year before my father died; Mom followed him two years later. They both were 77 when they left me. I was 35 and 37 respectively. . .

WAY too young to lose yer folks. Appreciate them while they're here, people.

Kvatch - *I* didn't want children. Hard to beleive that now. . .I exist primarily for them. And I was an adopted child as well. I couldn't have asked for better parents. . .
I think that if they had it to do over again, they might have decided not to have children.
I doubt that. As difficult as some children can be the joy they bring outweighs any disruptive behavior.One of the reasons I chose to procreate was because I saw that unintelligent people were breeding faster than intelligent, and the only way to improve the situation was if the intelligent were to add balance to it.
I don't believe you and your brother could have been more disruptive or manipulative than my lovely angels and I would never change a thing.

Don't beat yourself up, I'm guessing your folks are quite proud of how you turned out.
I was the same way. My parents went through hell, but they believe it was all for a purpose. I am not so sure, but it all turned out.

happy new year to you and yours Kvatch!
Too much deep thinking like that makes PT's head hurt.
I'm pretty sure that if we don't kill each other in the next 40 years...that will make it to our Fiftyith. Is that how you spell that?
Happy Golden Wedding Anniversary to your parents, Froggie. And let me assure you, your parents may have wanted to drown you and your brother at times, but they never regretted having you. Raising children is an incredible experience, and I know I have never, ever, regretted having mine, both grown and out in the world. If you are living the life YOU want, then your parents are proud and happy for you.
Diva, Lew, Gracie...the Notion that my parents might have chosen a different course for their marriage is actually a bit more than speculation. My mother and I had a very frank discussion about it some years back. So perhaps another parallel to my own life.
John, the Frogette is adopted, but I don't think that fact has affected our outlook in any way. In fact, for a while we were more interested in adoption than in procreation.

Graeme, yeah...what can one say... I was a sh*t as a kid. I can only look back now and take solice in the fact that once I was out of the house, I never came back to bug them. (i.e., lived with them again. I do obviously visit.)

PT, too much soul-searching huh?

Fred, I agree, the Frogette and have made it through 17 years, and I'm sure we're going to make 50.
Congratulations to your parents. Anyone who can do anything for 50 years in a row gets my admiration. All marriages have their goods and bads, but good marriages keep on keeping on.

We have no children and that was our choice. I do not regret the choice. Different people have different feeling about that and I respect their feelings. It just wasn't the right thing for us.
Congrats to your parents, Kvatch! That's a long time. As for their feelings about you, I am reminded of a quote attributed to Mark Twain: "My mother had a great deal of trouble with me, but I think she enjoyed it." I bet your parents look back with fond memories, too.
I was one that swore that I would never have kids after seeing the dramatic changes in other people's lives, but along came my first, a blessed oops, and it was time for a couple more. I live for them, but I can understand one's choice not to.
Additionally, what Lew says.
hey! happy anniversary!!!

it is interesting, the parallels and disticntions even - between marriages from different times, eras, etc. so many marriages of your parent's time were based on convenience - something that continued on well into the 40's and 50's. not that that has changed all too much, but it is different now... mergers and aquisitions have taken the place of the marriages of past years...

i, for one, am glad that your mom had kids. what would i do wihtout my froggy words fix?
First "courtship" took 3 years - well, of living together, but still... {-;

2nd to 6 months. At least it didn't last as long. {sighhh}

Believe me, bro. I'm fixing me up right before any possibility of a #3.

Congrats on your parents' Gold!
Everyone...thanks for the kind words on my 'rents 50th. We're heading off to the party soon. Gonna do a lot of eating, drinking, and toasting I suspect. :-)
I'm a real late comer to this party! But I wanted to say congratulations to your Parents on an awesome accomplishment. I too, look at marriages such as that (this is my third), in complete awe.

And y'all best quit whuppin' on my pet Frog!:) We all have "that period in life" I think.
That IS quite an accomplishment.

Kids definitely change a marriage. Things that were no big deal when it was just the two of us, now effect two little people. Irresponsible behavior, forgetfulness, etc. can be life-threatening to the kids. Things that I would just let go before, become issues to me now.

Oh the kids can be brats, but I wouldn't change a single thing about them and don't regret for a second having them.

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