2006/11/09

Future Headlines - Rapture? What Rapture...

FUTURE SPEAKER PELOSI ANNOUNCES THE DOMINION OF SATAN ON EARTH.

San Francisco (f-A-ke. P.) -

Future House Speaker, Nancy Pelosi (D CA), announced that, with the Democrats resounding success in the midterm elections, the dominion of Satan on Earth has begun. Stunned evangelicals were left to wonder about the supposedly missing rapture, but their confusion was short lived when government scientists announced that the Rapture occurred at 12:35 AM on the 8th, approximately 4 hours after polls closed on the west coast. "Apparently most conservatives were too depressed to notice," remarked an official from the Republican National Committee.

Satan, for his part, has announced his intention to work with the Democratic congress on initiatives that will greatly increase the "wages of sin". "We want to make the words 'you'll have to sell your soul to get that S.U.V.,' have real meaning again," the Great Deceiver was quoted as saying at a press conference earlier this afternoon.

18 Comments:

Funny post. I guess this means Bush is the head devil, eh?

I meant to tell you about something I learned on election day here in Michigan. Cameras, cell phone cameras and other video equipment were banned from all polling places. Our GOP secretary of state (who was reelected) quietly inserted that into the election laws shortly before the election. So much for wanting to protect our rights in Michigan.
"Apparently most conservatives were too depressed to notice," remarked an official from the Republican National Committee.

Damn...I was counting on the Rapture to rid us of those clowns.
Why of course Satan will work with the Dems, b/c we all know how big Satan is on pushing for national healthcare, taxing the uber-wealthy, stopping bloodshed, and issuing subpoenas to uncover the truth. Sheesh... don't you people read the Bible?
too funny...i wonder how much fun they will be having in january...
Some may think this is funny, but it is really closer to the truth than we can guess.
I suppose that is what you get with a direct, ice cold infusion of San Francisco Values...the devil is in the Iraq details, even so.
Kathy, that sucks! For places that use touchscreen machines that means there is not way to construct an election's result after the fact. Completely unacceptable IMHO!

Tom, you and me both.

Tina, Satan is into anything that could increase his "soul count". :-)
AZG, thanks...

And Peacechick...you know I don't write anything that doesn't have some truth in it, no matter how outrageous. ;-)

WS. indeed! Satan loves the left coast!
I find it kinda fun to watch all the BS ideas that Freepers have been pushing down our throats for years die in the light of reality. All the anti-Christ rapture shit is going to look real bad when the sun comes up and no one smells the sulfur.
Remember all those depressing ads they used to play on Air America? They just, and I swear to jeebus, they just started playing them on right-wing am radio.
So, red is the new black?
SA, I actually think that the rapture happened, but that nobody was worthy.

Fred, I wonder if the advertisers are abandoning the right-wingers yet? There would be some payback.

Fashiongirl...and sulfer is the new Channel.
Top shelf stuff once again - but nothing else ever appears on this blog!! It's probably closer to how we're viewed than either one of us realizes!:) You left me a reply in another comment section, and I'd quickly like to address it, then I promise to stay on topic in the future! We were talking about "smash mouth" politics given back to the Wrong Wing when we assume power and you said in part: .....but IMHO only after trying to be conciliatory.
I have a lot of respect for anybody that can write that, and mean it, as I know you did. I can't. I want their heads on a sizzling platter, and the hell with nice!:) But I have to ask you one question:

Have you ever been able to convince a rattlesnake to share his rock, so you both can catch the rays?

Forward Ho! We're aiming at the same goal, and we WILL prevail simply because we ARE better!!! You keep these kind of performances up, and I'm gonna have to shove South Park off my viewing schedule!:)
It IS a funny article however many of these nutcases truly believe that the Dems are indeed demonic. They scare me just as much as the Bush cabal.
I want their heads on a sizzling platter, and the hell with nice!:)

TFWY, don't get me wrong. I don't really have the noblest of intentions. When I said: "...but IMHO only after trying to be conciliatory," I'm being tactical. If the Democrats try cooperation and then the Republicans spurn it to pander to the far right, as they almost certainly will, the Democrats get to force their agenda down the neck-stumps of GOP...AND...claim the high ground!

Gracie, thanks. As I told PoP, there is nothing in my bizarre writing that doesn't have a kernal of truth.
Yes, lets start increasing the wages of sin by giving the working class their first real pay increase in ten years.

After all the rich won't need it when they enter the rooms reserved for them in Hell.

God Bless all.
Funny.
Anon-P, YES!!! And while we're at it let's deal with the AMT. Time for it to get adjusted or go bye-bye.

Thanks Julien.

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