2006/10/18

Santorum Diagnosed With Metaphor Malaise

Philadelphia (f-A-ke. P.) -

Senator Rick Santorum (R PA) has admitted that he suffers from Metaphor Malaise and has promised to enter rehab just as soon as he is reelected by the people of Pennsylvania.

His affliction became apparent when, in a recent interview, he compared the War on Terror to J.R.R. Tolkien's popular Lord of the Rings series, saying -
As the hobbits are going up Mount Doom, the Eye of Mordor is being drawn somewhere else. It's being drawn to Iraq and it's not being drawn to the U.S. You know what? I want to keep it on Iraq. I don't want the Eye to come back here to the United States.
The Senator then went on to compare George Bush and Osama bin Laden to Harry Potter and Lord Voldemort.

Other famous politicians afflicted with this pernicious syndrome include Ronald Reagan ("Shining city on a hill") and George H. W. Bush ("1000 points of light"). Metaphor Malaise has no completely effective treatment.

Thanks to Gary @ Declarations of Pride for turning me on to this one.

14 Comments:

There is nothing like a good political metaphor....And that was nothing like a good political metaphor. Mr. Rick's "Hobbits at War" thinking suggests he has been spending too many nights on internet role-playing games.
Are you saying that Middle-earth would be better off with the Eye of Mordor focused on it? Why do you hate the hobbits? This is just another example of the Democrat party's pre-Third Age thinking.
...he has been spending too many nights on internet role-playing games.

OMG! He's a D&D junkie! Next thing you know Santorum will be appealing to a Game Master for a recount in PA.

Ms. Yenta, I think that when Bush said, "Either your with us, or you're with the orcs," he was referring to me.
I could suggest a cure, but we don't want the SS all over you.
perhaps it's something in the pennsylvania water...remember Arlen Specter's "Magic Bullet Theory"? ~~ D.K.
He's certainly full of horse doodle!
Ah, you missed my take on this one frog!
Cartledge, well I think 'the cure' is coming regardless. Santorum's gonna loose, and then we won't have to put up with his foolishness. Unless, of course, he becomes a televangelist.

D.K., no...I don't. Do tell!

Sumo...and his little red choo-choo seems to have gone chugging around the bend.

Fred...not for long. Over in a tic.
Santorum went on to claim that President Bush's strategy in Iraq is sure to succeed as it is just like the plan Captain Kirk used against the Klingons in Episode 37. The Senator then invited reporters to view his "totally mint" collection of Star Wars action figures displayed in his mother's basement.
At least he didn't blame it all on the Tribbles. I'm just saying.
kvatch, on the chance you seriously want to know more about the other penn senator's strange fantasies, just google "Arlen Specter's magic bullet theory". I'm old enough to recall it firsthand. Seriously sold to the Warren Commission as validation that one bullet could change direction 4-5 times as it struck JFK & Connelly.

ps, I've been wondering why Santorum feels it necessary to show ALL his teeth in pictures like you posted. Is he perhaps unconsciously revealing his inner orc? ~~ D.K.
dk - ah yes, i remember that magic bullet theory...now that you reminded me...thanks

let's just be glad he be gone -- soon!!
LC, you don't mean..."beaming the whole lot'o tribbles right into the Shiite militia headquarters--where they'll be n' tribble at all?!"
D.K., AZG...thank Wikipedia...I just looked the "magic bullet theory" up, and all I can say is: I have heard about this but didn't know that it was Specter who supported it. EEK!

And BTW, I think Santorum sort of looks like Peter Jackson's portrayal of the the "Mouth of Sauron" (meet Aragorn's army at the Gate of Morder). Eeeewww!

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