Caffeinated Nation - Starbucks Wants 40,000 Stores

Our customers will often say
"Your store's too many feet away..."
And so we build where stores are not
McDonald's of the double-'oughts

And neither can the others flee
We're going to buy them all you see
Seattle's Best and Pasqua's too
We'll soon get Peet's and Caribou

We'll build and buy, and fill in space
To shove our logo in your face
So from our reach there's no escape
You may as well accept your fate
And buy your coffee from our stores
They're in your office...every floor!

Updated 2006/10/28, 2:09 PM PDT

Snave, the limerick-meister, responds!


Funny, there's not a single StarBucks within 30 miles of where I live. I guess I'm lucky.
Fred, here in Babylon by the Bay you can't swing a dead cat without hitting a Starbucks. Downtown the damn shops are often on opposite corners. And yet...the lines at Pete's (a Bay Area chain) are always out the door.
There are eight Starbucks (including ones in grocery stores) within a 5 mile radius of where I live.
Sadly for me, I really like their coffee.
On with the corportate takeover.
Here, it's Walgreens on every corner, and a new one builing built in the middle of every block.
Drew! Haven't heard from you in an age. Coicidentally, I was going to swipe your blog-name for a post this afternoon. You must have picked up on the mental energy. Anyway, where there's nothing else, Starbucks is fine. No--strike that--they're very good. I joke about them but mostly because we have better alternatives out here.

Julien, we've got that phenomenon as well. Walgreens popping up everywhere.
Not Peets! No! Not peets!
Starbucks! Starbucks!
Really really really
really really really
really really sucks!

How's that for a limerick? :>)
A coffee-house named Starbucks
With an expansion plan that got stuck
Could not figure out why
People just would not buy
Watery brown liquid that sucks.

Something like this TPM?
I'm in Seattle...

Need I say more about Starbucks locations?

Although...the worst I have seen is 2 Sbux caddy-corner to each other in Vancouver,BC.

We also have Tully's and SBC (Seattle's Best Coffee) which is a wholly-owned subsidary of Starbucks.

Not nearly enough Peet's if you ask me. Although importing Peet's by mail is a workable solution.

What's the favored drink around here?

For me, it's usually a 3 shot espresso macciato (just enough foam for asthetics).

Frederick: There's not a single SBUX within 30 miles of you ... yet.

Kvatch: Even McD's only has something like 13,000 locations nationwide. I think SBUX is aiming for something like 20,000 nationwide. How they are able to establish consistency in operations and product is mind boggling.

Not that I have any vested interest in knowing that or anything.


FYI, I prefer tea over coffee, although if I do partake, it's gotta be black.
Although...the worst I have seen is 2 Sbux caddy-corner to each other in Vancouver,BC.

We have that here in Sodom by the Sea...in more than one place. My personal fav is the Triple-tall (3 shot) Americano.

Mags, I was hoping you'd drop by (wink, wink).

My understanding is that in the US Starbucks and Mickey Dees are neck in neck. But when you consider the differential in infrastructure required by these two, Starbuck is sure to win.
For Starbucks we all are a-twitter,
Although it does really taste bitter.
A short caffeine high
Will go quickly by,
As we all end up on the shitter.

In our small rural NE Oregon town of about 14,000 we have two Starbucks (one free-standing, one in Safeway), four independent coffee stands, a new Dutch Bros. coffee stand coming, and two downtown coffee shops. My daughters were wondering the other day if we were going to end up with more coffee outlets than churches... this town does have a lot of churches... I told them that when it comes to worship, just about as many people worship caffeine as worship a god, if not more so.
Sodom by the Sea? Well, of course.

I think we have 3 actual Starbucks and the Barnes & Noble cafe which sells their products but operates independently.

Love the poem. Is it yours? May I copy it?
Snave! You limerick-meister you!

As for more Starbucks than churches, that would certainly be the case here. :-)

Granny, all verse on Blognonymous is composed by your's truly...well...with the exception of conbtributions by our other fine poets, like Snave. And yes indeed you may copy it (with attribution, of course) ;-).
I didn't write this one, I think it might have been the immortal Edward Lear... I can't hear the word "Granny" without thinking of this inane but ingenious limerick. This one is for Granny:

There once was a canner, uncanny,
Who said to his uncanny Granny,
A canner can can
Anything that he can,
But a canner can't can a can, can he?

K, glad you liked the Starbucks thingie. My OCD will not let me rest, so here are some more...

When I want a good cup of Joe
I'll tell you where I will not go
That place is Starbucks.
I think that they suck.
Private stands YES, Starbucks NO!

Once the owners of Starbucks were small,
But now they're in corporate halls.
Like McDonald's might do,
They sell us their poo,
And they crap on us 'cause we are small.

There once was a fine local stand,
Whose coffee was really quite grand!
But Starbucks came in,
Again and again,
And replaced what was "grand" with "quite bland".

Starbucks is really quite foul.
I drink it, it upsets my bowel.
Some think it's "the tits"...
I think it's the shits!
I sit on the toilet and howl...

They pop up all over the land,
Everywhere, those Starbucks stands!
They sprout in all places,
Like zits on teen faces...
I'd pop them if I had more hands.

Starbucks can call it espresso.
Or coffee, whatever, I guess so...
But my poor stomach hurts
And my ass has the squirts,
And my poor underwear is a mess-o.

Add a comment

Links to this post:

Create a Link