2006/09/22

You Know It's Coming - TSA Bans Humans

I bet we're going to hear this in the news very soon:
  • Man freezes a bottle of Pellegrino and attempts to sneak it past TSA.
  • Agency not amused by claims that, "It isn't a liquid!"
  • Man rendered to Albania and tortured before confessing to wide-spread plot involing aircraft, ice-cubes, jello-shooters, and rum-soaked lady-fingers
  • Administration bans solids onboard aircraft. When combined with the existing ban on liquids, TSA is forced to rule out letting humans through checkpoints.
  • United Airlines says, "What-the-f*ck?!" and votes for liquidation rather than trying to emerge from bankruptcy under these heightened security restrictions.
Just a thought on this Friday evening...

Thanks to Lukku Cairi for @ Godsylla for the inspiration.

14 Comments:

I had thought of frozen shampoo and wondered if I could take it onboard. Who would have known it would cause another airline company to fold.
The airlines would find a way for us to travel in gaseous form and pass the cost onto the passengers.
Technically we should already be banned from airplanes. Humans are 70% liquid! Who knows what nefarious compounds could be floating around inside us.

Add to that the danger of letting someone on who just had a burrito from Taco Bell and we have the potential for terror in the skies in the form of Weapons of Ass Destruction!
Aaaahhh yes... yummy Jello-shots. But since I'm doing my part for our cause and currently gestating my second lil liberal, those days of Jello-Shots are a faded memory.
And hey... that reminds me: Since I am carrying around quite a bit of extra water in the nether region for the lil lib to swim in, will women with amniotic fluid be banned soon?
ROTFL!!! Logical extensions of current realities can be hell, can't they?:)
This could all be solved if we just rode on mules like the baby Jesus. Who needs to fly through the air like devils!
Let's just destroy all aircraft and issue everyone a personal jet pack. . .
You've probably just given an ambitious TSA go-getter an idea: only substances allowed on aircraft must be able to transition among all three states--solid, liquid and gas--without exploding.
Peacechick, sure but that rendition thing is a bitch.

SA, "gaseous form" that's outstanding! What a space saver. Compressed I bet each of us woudl take up less than a square foot.

Tina, "...will women with amniotic fluid be banned soon?" No doubt about it. In fact, how do we know that's really a baby?

TFWY, I was just riffing on something Lukku said.
Xsociate... :-) :-) :-)

Fred, you're so right as usual. I'm thinking of purchasing my own horse. Course the stabling cost in the city here will be worse than when I owned a car.

John, don't even go there. Can you imagine 1000 jet-packs in the hands of the Islamo-fascists?

Mr_Blog, I don't think that TSA is capable of that level of pondering.
it would be amusing if there wasn't so many grains of truth in it.
Hey! Are ye a jawin' the leader? Cuz if'n ye is me `n my wife is gona take the RV to where ye is and kick yer tail back to commieville! Ye hear me, boy!? Huuuruuumphhhhh!
The TSA SHOULD ban humans from flying. Then planes would be less crowded. I'm just suggesting.
Betmo, I always try to put in just enough reality to give my twisted rantings some legitimacy.

TPM...oh yeah? Well bring it on, oh slinger of verse. The Frogette can take yer wife. She'll spit brackish pondwater in her eye.

Diva...absolutely. Back to the horse and buggy! :-) Probably make everyone a bit less tense as well.

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