2006/09/07

Huge Oil Field Discovered - Gulf of Mexico To Be Drained

Washington (f-A-ke. P.) -

After this week's announcement of a major new oil find in the Gulf of Mexico, Bush administration officials let it be known that the President is considering the most ambitious public works project since the Panama Canal -


"We intend to drain the Gulf of Mexico," Interior Secretary Dirk Kempthorne announced at midday press conference. "America needs energy, and we want to make it as easy as possible to suck that crude from the ground. No ships, no platforms. Just long, easy to maintain, pipelines headed out into our new territory. Moreover this will take care of our Hurricane problem once and for all. Never again will our southern coasts be threatened by the almighty's wrath."

When asked how other nations might feel about the loss of bountiful fishing territories and revenue from seaside tourist destinations, the Secretary replied, "They'll just have to get used to it. Where talking about our energy independence here."

20 Comments:

And guess who will get the gulf draining contract? Halliburton.
"Texas quickly moved to annex the "new terrain" and Tom DeLay stated his intent to carve it up into fair and representative voting districts"
Pat Buchanan just demanded on MSNBC that a Wall be built around the Basin of Mexico to keep the Mexicans out.
Lew, almost certainly!

John, SA...that's the spirit! 'The Basin of Mexico'...bwahahahahahah! ;-)

I think that maybe Bu$hCo would just like to shovel Venezuela and Cuba into the 'Basin' and let the water flow to the new holes. We'll call them the 'Orinoco Sea' and 'The Fidel Castro Memorial Tidal Pool'.
Bush just need stand next to the gulf of Mexico and all the water will drain into his pores because...now say it with me here- "all the water will drain into Bushes pores because he sucks!" Or alternative endings are "sponge", "porous", "vaccuous", and "the anti-christ"....
"Moreover this will take care of our Hurricane problem once and for all."

I love it when we can kill two birds with one stone.
TPM...just riffing on the porousness of our leader:

Who lives like an emperor right in D.C.?
SPONGE-BUSH, DUMB-RANTS!
Inane, dim-witted, and hopeless is he.
SPONGE-BUSH, DUMB-RANTS!

PT, right you are.
i hope baby bush and all his cohorts fall in the big hole they want to make

and then let mother nature fill it back up again...

i'm envisioning something like the parting of the red sea...
Yeah, but wouldn't this have the unfortunate side-effect of lengthening the land border with Mexico? :-p
Now the only qustion left is, what color do I purchase my next H2 in?
Now maybe I can find the Zippo that dropped out of my pocket and into the Gulf at a certain fishing hole!
AZG, and the part of George Bush will be played by Charlton Heston. :-)

Lukku... You're right it would but I think the SA suggested a wall.

Fred, you're not going to head out and buy Rex Kramer's Hummer 'Gottendamerung'? :-)

Betty, actually think of all the recoverable material we'll be able to find. The mind boggles.
Thanks to pollution, you could probably wring enough oil out of the Gulf now to power the country for a couple of months.
That might solve our energy problems, but won't it increase illegal immigration? More border and all? Oh my, what is a republican to do?
Damn environment always gets in the way of making money.
LC, would we call that the 'Strategic Pollution Reserve'?

Marie... Republican thinking on this would be 'drain 'er anyway' and we'll worry about the consequences later.

James...true but this would be the ultimate triumph of Bush over Nature, right?
Tell me that the picture is of the Aral Sea...I got some money riding on this one!
Sounds like something coming from The Onion. :D
Pekka...you're right. It is the Aral Sea. (Hope the bet was substantial :-) ).

Romunov, I'm thinking of giving up on commentary and just going with fake news.
Happy to be right (rarely happens), sorry to be too cautious...made measly 20 CAD.

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