2006/09/24

A GOP Message for the Election Season

As I travel around America, I'm asked by many of our citizens, 'Mr. President, is your party going to lose control of Congress this November?' and, 'If Republicans loose, what will happen to our great country?' Well, I just want to let you know that this issue concerns me. Turd Blossom and I talk about this a lot, and I want to reassure all right-thinking Americans that this won't happen.

You see, all you citizens think that you have a right to vote in elections, but that just isn't true. Unless yer state has it in it's constitution, that right doesn't exist, and we're takin' steps to ensure that the wrong sort of people don't get into power. In fact, we don't even want 'em at the polls. That's why the GOP supports legislation in ever state that requires you to show two forms of Republi--I mean--government approved identification and to prove that you drove yer American-made SUV to the polling station.

I think we can all agree that uppity l'bruls taking over Congress is bad for America. Imagine if Nancy Pelosi replaces Denny as the Speaker. She'll probably try to replace our flag with that evil rainbow colored thing that flies over Satan's Hidey-hole (San Francisco). She'll put Italian espresso machines in House lunch room. It will be chaos, and chaos is good for the terrorists.

So, when you hear that your state is tossing voter registration cards into the nearest landfill, just think about something patriotic--like Rummy grinding the evil-doers under his boot--and don't worry. It's all for the best.

I'm George Bush, and I endorse this message.

16 Comments:

Hilarious! The mind of the Lord duh-bya and his followers...

If you can't put the comical spin on though, its scary. Dammit! Why do I think like that?
Hey! That thar rally George's words `r is yee a jawin' the preseedent of the United States of `merika? Cuz if'n yee a jawin' the leader then yee ain't no better`n no commie rat basturd sum bi'atch! Now, on the slim to none chance that this is akrit and what George said, I kin forgive yee fer assumin'...but if'n I find out yee plagerizin' his words me and my wife'r gonna come t' whar yee is and kick yer tail back to commieville! Huuuurrrrumphhhh!
Chuck...we all think like that. We have to, it's either laugh or cry.

TPM, Bush has the most studied, carefully crafted, southern accent I've ever heard. Even a commie-frog like me can hear it. ;-)
Two forms of gubmint ID, huh? Well, I have my driver's license, and.......??? My Social Insecurity Card? I'm not gubmint ID'd much since I think gubmint is a bad ID period!!

'Course, that's only gotten me through 57 years and a year plus, in Nam. I can see why they would suspect me. You can't be too careful. There's a tearwist under your bed as we speak....(: Let us now sing a hymn for gubmint.

Hymn....Hymn......F HIM!!!
This speech brought to you by Diebold.
Last week was talk like a pirate day. This week we need a talk like a Connecticut-born-yankee-trying-to-sound-like-John-Wayne day. It's easy. All you do is disconnect your brain from your mouth.
I have given thought to the possibility that this dictator might say there will be no election. People would probably shrug and go shopping.
TFWY, I think they'd like to deny the vote to anyone that they can manage. Until those hordes of Republican children grow up, they've still got problems with voter turnout not favoring them.

James, that's the ace in the sleeve, isn't it!

Troll Watcher, the man may have to head back to Texas yet. I read recently that the Bush compound in Maine is gonna get submerged by rising sea levels.

Peacechick, not a chance. He doesn't need to. At least for this cycle they've got control of the elections officials. Everything will be close, but I bet the Republicans stay in power.
It will be chaos, and chaos is good for the terrorists.

It sure helped those dinosaurs in Jurassic Park.

Maybe he's on to something . . . errr... Or not.
At least for this cycle they've got control of the elections officials. Everything will be close, but I bet the Republicans stay in power.

If that actually happens, then the second American Revolution must start on 11/07/06. Have gun, will travel. Coup, anyone?
Michael, well I'm not so sure that the Republicans will start eating their opponents if they lose, but I guess you never know.

John, or how about we just remain extra vigilant and catch the f*ckers in the act of rigging the election? I really don't want to see you get arrested.
I'm there with you John! I have my father's WWII machete (war memorial) from the Phillipines...and I'm more than up to slicin' n' dicin' some Repuglicans that have the misfortune to cross my path!
Thank God for Diebold, Karl Rove and the reduced funding for education back in the 1980s. We have a generation of dumbfucks who'll just turn on the tube when we cancel the '08 election.
John, or how about we just remain extra vigilant and catch the f*ckers in the act of rigging the election? I really don't want to see you get arrested.

Kvatch - You're probably right. I mean, the prisons may soon be filling up with Republican buggers! Don't wanna go there. . .
Sumo, that seems pretty extreme. Perhaps we could just use harsh language? Wait...we already do that.

Tom, well unless we can somehow turn the election into Nascar-like spectacle, they could cancel and no one would notice.

John, you did mean "buggers" right? Not "buggerers"? :-)
Hilarious post Kvatch.

I'm putting the odds at 50/50 that Bush will cancel the elections and declare martial law. Especially if he can tempt those turrists into attacking us again. He's all but put out a welcome mat for them.

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