2006/09/08

For The Terrorists? Gladiatorial Combat!

Washington (f-A-ke. P.) -

After acknowledging the existence of secret CIA prisons for 'foreign combatants', President Bush urged Congress yesterday to move swiftly on his proposals for bringing justice to the evil doers.

The cornerstones of the President's new plan are gladiatorial combats and spectacles for dealing with detainees accused of an expanded list of 27 offenses including: Conspiracy, hostage-taking, torture, rape and hijacking.
I thought about using military tribunals with classified or coerced evidence to convict these islamo-fascists, but frankly that just wastes time. My military officers have better things to do, and... you know I'm the deciderer. I say throw them to the lions, and let God sort 'em out. Cause thi--well this is more than they deserve, and we can be rid of them once and for all. Good enough for the Romans, right? Well then it's good enough for me.
Democrats were uniformly appalled by the new plan. Republicans expressed caution and stated that they would wait for a Justice Department assessment of the plan's constitutionality. A spokesman for the Attorney General remarked late in the day that it's probable that Congress authorized this when they granted the President the 'Divine right of kings' in the days following September 11th.

(Thanks to Sothis whose comment got me thinking along these lines.)

8 Comments:

My vote is for a "Steel Cage Grudge Match" between Bush and Ahmadinejad when he visits the UN soon. How about it? Gladiators in the "decisive ideological struggle of the 21st century" duking it out for world domination? That would sell some serious tickets and the bets would be large.
Caeser!

Divine rights of kings! Ha!

I say forger the steel cage... throw these bastards in with a horde of Iraqi mothers...
I guess you could "forger" the cage, although I haven't a clue as to what that would be to a cage...but it'd be even better to "forgeT" the cage... sheesh...
TPM, with Gonzales' Justice Department making legal arguments based on the old English maxim 'the King can do no wrong', we're not far from lions, gladiators, Bush fiddling while Washington burns.

WS, I'm all for the grudge match, but perhaps they could just thumb-wrestle for world domination. Course, that probably wouldn't sell as well on ESPN.
If we are to have bread and circuses, can I have sourdough please? Meanwhile I'll practice my scowling thumbs down.
All of this history would just confuse Bush. Cheney would be the one to go out in a skirt and start the battle. Bush would just sit there eating a hot dog and drinking a near-beer.
Ah, shucks--I'm blushing! The parallels to the fall of the Roman Republic are shocking. Unfortunately, looks like we are skipping Augustus and going straight to Nero. So much for Pax Americana...
Why is this post accompanied by a photo of Carson Kressley?

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