Kvatch Sits Down With The Implicator

On Thursday, Attorney General Alberto Gonzales visited El Paso, Texas to discuss immigration reform and for a one-on-one interview with Kvatch Kopf, the famous liberal commentator.

K.K. - Good Morning Mr. Attorney General. Thanks for being here.

A.G. Gonzales - Buenos Dias, Kvatch.

K.K. - Ah Spanish...when in Rome, I suppose...

A.G. Gonzales - Si.

K.K. - I'd like to start by quoting this morning's El Paso Times. At yesterday's news conference, on the subject of immigration reform you said:
This is a very difficult issue, and obviously it's a very emotional issue that implicates economics, implicates politics because it is an election year, and implicates national security. We're talking about family and values. So we understand it's a very difficult issue, but it's too important to let it continue to be unsolved.
K.K. - Your use of 'implicates' is a little...uh...odd. Couldn't you have just said 'involves'? Might have been a bit clearer.

A.G. Gonzales - Perhaps. Sometimes I go a little overboard. Maybe it was that plate of chili rellenos I had for lunch.

K.K. - Fair enough but let me ask you this... You said recently that you weren't sure that your grandparents entered the U.S. legally. That being the case, how can you support immigration reform that seeks to severely curtail the flow of immigrants.

A.G. Gonzales - As you well know Kvatch, we live in an 'Ownership Society', and part of that is owning one's citizenship. I've got mine. So I don't consider the point particularly relevant.

K.K. - Hmmm...well as you say, it may not be relevant especially since the reform proposal is stalled in the Senate. How does the administration plan to deal with that?

A.G. Gonzales - Well if Congress can't get this initiative moving before November, then we were thinking of an unfunded mandate.

K.K. - But wouldn't that put a tremendous burden on the border areas?

A.G. Gonzales - Yes, it might. But the President feels that this is an issue of National Security, and since his authority under the Constitution in that area is absolute we don't really have to ask anyone's permission. Now do we?

K.K. - I suppose you may be right, but how will you sell this--could be bad for the Republicans if you...say...piss off the electorate in Texas.

A.G. Gonzales - Well here's where we return to 'family values'. Residents on the border want to continue to do well for their families, right?

K.K. - Sure...

A.G. Gonzales - So then they wouldn't want the brown hordes swarming over the borders to take up space, jobs, and services?

K.K. - 'Brown Hordes'? You're not serious? That sort of reasoning makes you sound like a moron and an elitist to boot.

A.G. Gonzales - You know you're right, but hey, what can I do? Compared to The Decider we all sound like elitists, and well...you know what's.

K.K. - True enough.


Good work, you made one of those bozos sound like he had THREE brain cells.

Keep dipping into that wine, it beats water any day.
>That sort of reasoning makes you
>sound like a moron and an elitist
>to boot.

'Self loathing'! You forgot 'self loathing'!
A.G. Gonzales - Perhaps. Sometimes I go a little overboard. Maybe it was that plate of chili rellenos I had for lunch.

Too funny. You be careful out there in Texas now, Froggy. The Bay Area needs you back here when el Paso has had enough of you.
OMG you wonderful little frog you actually interviewed the Biggest Self Righteous Toad in the Bush Regime....You are awesome...( and SOoooooSOOOOOOOoo Funny)...take care down there in The Big Texas...and be careful...Them Rednecks run over Frogs in the Road...even the Smart Ones...
Yes...do be careful...there are plenty more of em' that you have to interview and get to divulge WH secrets...you know they are itching to talk.
I find El Turdo to be a little creepy and unsettling.
Sadly, I have heard border residents say almost the same thing...but great interview! El Relleno es muy estupido, pero muy loyal.
You get around, frog! Now Gonzo! Impressive!
I've got mine. So I don't consider the point particularly relevant.

Ahhhhh... That does appear to be the heart of the matter now, doesn't it...
I agree, our broken immigration policy needs to be fixed,but. I was concerned about Gonzales before he was nominated, there is just a little something about this guy that worries me. If you interview him again please ask him how he feels about the Second Amendment to the United States Constitution.

God Bless America, God Save The Republic.
Hey, I'm still living here under permanent residency. I suppose I should hurry up and get my citizenship before they close the borders and ring the entire country with napalm-filled trenches...

Brilliant interview KK. I can see why you're on the A-list. Hope you're having a great time in El Paso.

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