2006/06/19

Roller Skating and The Devil's Business

Boise (f-A-ke. P.) -

After enduring a weekend of harsh criticism for their policy of firing employees who commit any number of forbidden sins, Skate Plaza owners Marvin and Pat Miller came out swinging by announcing a new policy. From now on married employees of Skate Plaza will have to record each act of sexual congress so that the owners can verify whether or not the couple did in fact conceive a child. Said Pat Miller -
The Bible says that sex is only for procreation, and we just want to make sure that our employees are living in a godly way.
The Millers chose not comment on the possibility of infertile couples in their employ.


Tip 'o the Hat to CV Rick at the Unspunblog for the inspriration that led to this little bit of hyperbole.

22 Comments:

Jesus Christ that's some crazy shit. Someone needs to rollerskate on their heads, maybe wake them up to reality.
story developing . . .

It seems that some pervert once masturbated to a Playboy Magazine out by the dumpsters at the Skate Plaza.

Marvin Miller: "Guess we'll be moving to a more sanctified rollerskating location."

Pat Miller: "Too bad we don't believe in Exorcisms like them False-Prophet Worshipping Catholics."
I just read the article on Unspunblog - WOW! What is this, the 18th century? I almost those THAT one was a fake article!
It has been some years since my forays into biblical exegesis.
Even so, I cannot recall The Bible says that sex if for procreation only
Funny how some whacko preacher says it in a pulpit and before you know it the bloody message is holy writ!
personally I'd tell em to go f**k themselves, but I guess they probably already do that.
Funny how some whacko preacher says it in a pulpit and before you know it the bloody message is holy writ!

And with a typo to boot! :-) I hate when the proofreader takes his summer vacation. But more to the point. I'm sure the message was in there somewhere.

CV, I don't think that you can have a sanctified place for roller skating. If there was ever an activity that was more likely to lead to fornication...
But when the people that believe that shit have kids and they grow up, they will be the freakiest people in the sack. it never fails
Fair crack of the whip! I was booted onto the old crank box. Can't pedal and proof at the same time!
Fair crack of the whip! I was booted onto the old crank box. Can't pedal and proof at the same time!

Hey...my apologies for not being clear. I was referring to my own typo. But it's good to know that I'm not the only one getting senile in my dottage. :-)
thanks :(
so YOU stole my story too? hey what kind of people are you and cv? wait, DON'T answer that!
oh and as i said to cv (and meant it) and i'll say to you (and mean it) YOU did a better job than i!

but i'm almost positive my hair is longer than yours
..hey what kind of people are you and cv? wait, DON'T answer that!

A frog. But really I only stole it from you through CV. :-)
I'm the original thief. First bit of originality from me in months.
This is why I ran from tthat area of the country as soon as I was old enough to run.
Static...Idaho? Never been myself, but if they have roller-rinks, then we all know what they're about--Hell's antechamber, they are.
Actually, Kvatch, it wasn't really a typo at all - merely a meander down Memory Lane, back a couple of hundred years ago when s's and f's were interchangeable...
Kvatch you stole my story ya bastard... just kidding, but I did write about it here ( http://canofwormsblog.com/2006/06/16/roller-rink-fires-girl-for-moving-in-with-boyfriend/ ) on the 16th.

I used to be a believer and I can assure you that the sex for pro-creation only is not true. One only must read the book of Song of Solomon to find that the Bible was just as sexually charged as other forms of ancient mythology.... Yes the Bible is mythology, which makes it really strange that these people would govern their skating rink based on it.

It goes without saying that if I ever run a business, instead of writing a long boring employee handbook I will just give out copies of Gilgamesh.
The URL cut off... I mean...

http://canofwormsblog.com/2006/06/16/roller-rink-fires-girl-for-moving-in-with-boyfriend/
damnit, here is a link
Alicia :-) :-)

Ben, so let me get this straight you're claiming I stole a news story that I made up? :-) I kid, but seriously that whole sex for procreation thing is definitely Catholic dogma, but not in the Bible huh? Well, I'm not surprised. Been a long time since I read the good book. Though that Gilgamesh idea has some legs, I think.
Kvatch: Not Idaho, but worse. I ran from Utah. It really is hell's antechamber. Most of the people in Idaho are originally from Utah or they are descendants from people who originally were from Utah. It is mormon country, and if you aren't a white male mormon then you aren't worth anything. Scary country in that area. I left when a judge told me that I had no right to turn my ex-husband in for beating on me. he told me that I should stay home barefoot and pregnant and shut my mouth. Then he threw the case out of court. Utah is one of the few states that refused to ratify the Equal Rights Amendment.
Static. Sorry to hear it. Sounds like your judge should have been disbarred for official misconduct.

As an amateur genealogist, the LDS Church is an organization that I've interacted with on many an occasion. Interesting town Salt Lake--essentially landlocked but with some of the best seafood restaurants I've ever eaten in. Course the fact that everything shuts down at 5:30--except for the restaurants which stay open until...oh...8:00--is a little weird.

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