Roller Skating and The Devil's Business
After enduring a weekend of harsh criticism for their policy of firing employees who commit any number of forbidden sins, Skate Plaza owners Marvin and Pat Miller came out swinging by announcing a new policy. From now on married employees of Skate Plaza will have to record each act of sexual congress so that the owners can verify whether or not the couple did in fact conceive a child. Said Pat Miller -
The Bible says that sex is only for procreation, and we just want to make sure that our employees are living in a godly way.The Millers chose not comment on the possibility of infertile couples in their employ.
Tip 'o the Hat to CV Rick at the Unspunblog for the inspriration that led to this little bit of hyperbole.
It seems that some pervert once masturbated to a Playboy Magazine out by the dumpsters at the Skate Plaza.
Marvin Miller: "Guess we'll be moving to a more sanctified rollerskating location."
Pat Miller: "Too bad we don't believe in Exorcisms like them False-Prophet Worshipping Catholics."
Even so, I cannot recall The Bible says that sex if for procreation only
Funny how some whacko preacher says it in a pulpit and before you know it the bloody message is holy writ!
personally I'd tell em to go f**k themselves, but I guess they probably already do that.
And with a typo to boot! :-) I hate when the proofreader takes his summer vacation. But more to the point. I'm sure the message was in there somewhere.
CV, I don't think that you can have a sanctified place for roller skating. If there was ever an activity that was more likely to lead to fornication...
Hey...my apologies for not being clear. I was referring to my own typo. But it's good to know that I'm not the only one getting senile in my dottage. :-)
but i'm almost positive my hair is longer than yours
A frog. But really I only stole it from you through CV. :-)
I used to be a believer and I can assure you that the sex for pro-creation only is not true. One only must read the book of Song of Solomon to find that the Bible was just as sexually charged as other forms of ancient mythology.... Yes the Bible is mythology, which makes it really strange that these people would govern their skating rink based on it.
It goes without saying that if I ever run a business, instead of writing a long boring employee handbook I will just give out copies of Gilgamesh.
Ben, so let me get this straight you're claiming I stole a news story that I made up? :-) I kid, but seriously that whole sex for procreation thing is definitely Catholic dogma, but not in the Bible huh? Well, I'm not surprised. Been a long time since I read the good book. Though that Gilgamesh idea has some legs, I think.
As an amateur genealogist, the LDS Church is an organization that I've interacted with on many an occasion. Interesting town Salt Lake--essentially landlocked but with some of the best seafood restaurants I've ever eaten in. Course the fact that everything shuts down at 5:30--except for the restaurants which stay open until...oh...8:00--is a little weird.