2006/04/05

Future Headlines - A Tom DeLay Trifecta

Houston, f-A-ke. P. -

Today former House majority leader Tom DeLay was shot dead by Texas Rangers as he attempted to flee the state after his conviction on charges of criminal conspiracy. Sources close to the former representative said that Mr. DeLay was on his way to Virginia to begin his new life as a lobbyist for USPest, an association of pesticide producers.


Thanks to Blake at The Next Left for the inspiration and for reminding us that, in Texas, there are only three ways to withdraw from an election: Die, be convicted of a felony, or leave the district.

15 Comments:

Yep..I would love that headline as well..

And Tommy can't lobby if he is convicted either..so his second plan is to become involved in religious organizations..which read between the lines means he will still lobby for the wingnut religious zealots.
and..two out of three ain't bad..I knew about residency and death :P
Also..lets not forget he now gets to KEEP all the money contributed to his campaign..wotta guy...
I actually feel sorry for Tom DeLay, he will soon be all alone.
Until he becomes a televangelizer.
...so his second plan is to become involved in religious organizations

Dusty, Pinkfem...I agree. With hair like that definitely a candidate for televangelism. ;-)
Wait a minute, they killed Tom DeLay? How come I didn't read about this in any of the other papers? This is a real story, right?
















(Okay, I'm just giving you shit. Hilarious post.)
He can be Rush's sidekick.
Gaze upon those boyish good looks! Fall in love with that cherubic smile! Be intimidated by that majestic lapel pin!

A sidekick for Rush? I think not. Clearly, the camera loves a man as patriotically pretty as Tom!

On that note, I hear The Today Show is looking for a host!
Nice. My first time to win by betting on DeLay at the OTB.
Good to see he took the honorable way out: Suicide By Cop.
Rex, SA, cameras as well as large sweaty men in a prison called Huntsville. :-) But I digress...

Blake, Neil, DeLay's gotta get out this somehow, right? I say, why not be sure and go for the three-fer.
Look for a DeLay pardon this December or next from his buddy George... after all, he'll be busy with the pardoning pen anyway, writing up Scooter's name, along with (maybe) Karl and anyone else convicted between now and then.
Defineitly part of the pardon posse.
Look for a DeLay pardon this December or next from his buddy George... after all, he'll be busy with the pardoning pen anyway...

Mother puss-bucket! A pardon?! Damn well better not happen. Wait a second...can the Kowboy Koward pardon someone for a state crime? (Speaking of DeLay here. Libby, Rove, Cheney...sure.)
No, the President can only pardon for federal crimes, not state crimes. However, seeing how far Rick Perry is lodged up DeLay's duodenum, we're lucky the Governor of Texas has no independent power to pardon.

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