2006/03/12

Kvatch Has Left The Building

Have you ever heard the line, "I’m saving that for my old age"? Or how about, "...everything in moderation"?

As I get older, I'm starting to experience regrets: The things I didn't do that are getting more difficult to contemplate with age (I've never climbed a mountain); The places I haven't been and which now seem daunting (I've travelled to many countries but have never in Asia); The friends who've left my life (I'm barely on speaking terms with a number of conservative "ex-friends"); The second career I'd planned but that now probably won't ever take off (I wrote SciFi for many years but could never get anything published).

All these things are starting to add up, and I'm fighting it, but other priorities are intruding. Nevertheless, I boggle at anyone who wants to save something for their old age. And, to the extent that it doesn't needlessly shorten one's life, I can't grok the notion of doing anything in moderation.

So, even though it's getting harder every year, I still desperately want to get to the end and think, I’ve done it all; Tasted it all; Travelled everywhere; Loved with every fibre of my being; Mattered. I’m bored! I'm ready for what's next. And shortly thereafter a great booming voice from the sky will say, "KVATCH HAS LEFT THE BUILDING!".

7 Comments:

aw..you still got time my favorite frog!

Age is but a number..You still have a zest for life and that's what matters most.

Five bucks says I am older than you :P
Oh, yeah. I'm grappling with that every day lately. I think when my mother died last month, I had that confrontation with mortality that I've heard about. My father died when I was in my early thirties. That was different. At fifty-six it all resonates so much more clearly.

Then I figured this - If I were judging my life from a distant perspective, while it certainly hasn't included doing everything, or even nearly everything I might have hoped to have done by now, I would still consider a person who'd lived it to have had a full enough life. I'm going to try to fit some more stuff in, but there are definitely a lot more things I'm going to have to save for the next time around than I'd thought when I was in my twenties and everything was possible. And I'm going to have to be all right with that, or the next phase of life is just going to be a bitch.
Maybe some serenity comes in striking a balance between the drive of 'not good enough type thinking" and the calm of "good enough" type thinking. I have been reading that the path to that balance comes in eliminating 'should thoughts' from our minds as much as possible. (i.e. I SHOULD have been published by now, SHOULD have a kid, SHOULD have x amount of money, SHOULD have danced the tango, etc.)

Life will not be measured by our lists. If we lost all memory and we were stuck simply with the here and now, the people we have NOW... no history, what would we do first? Who would we like, where would we go? I hear you, Kvatch, on wanting to live and rage. But I think you can visit one amazing place for a year, and stay there... instead of fifty ok places in a year. If that makes sense. I would like to see some science fiction POEMS! Frognonyverse!!!!
Yes, i agree with Lily. hanging on to regrets is baggage you don't need to carry. Start every day new, cherish tomorrow more than yesterday, learn what you can and always heed the immortal words of John Lennon-"You don't take nothing with you but your soul"
You've got it backwards, Kvatch. Once you believe you've done it all and tasted it all, that is the end. I don't care if you're just 25. So keep wondering and tasting and trying. Happy birthday...
First of all, never apologize for being self-indulgent...unless it involves touching yourself. Baby Jesus cries every time you do.

As for your perceived shortcomings in life, consider lowering your expectations. For example, "mountain" is a relative term. Here in Florida, we have Mt. Dora, which I believe is about 80 feet above sea level. Even at your age, that should be a two-day climb at most.
Dusty, I'll take that bet. I'm 630 (in frog years).

Zen Yenta, "the next time around"? now there's an attractive thought, but frogs are agnostics. So I think I'm going to have to concentrate on this life.

Lily, Lew, wise words. I like the notion that it's the quality not the quantity. But on the other hand, as I'm sure the frogette would say, you've got to kiss a lot of princes before you find your frog.

Abi, believe it? I want to know it, but I hear you.

Rex...always the soul of practicality. To a frog 80' is a real challenge. I'll be right down.

Thanks all.

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