Armed with 'Christian Patriot Missiles'

It was a nightmare. Howdy Doody as a charismatic evangelist, brainwashing a peanut gallery of 2,300 children:

Howdy Doody Ok, boys and girls. If a teacher so much as mentions evolution, or the Big Bang, or an era when dinosaurs ruled the Earth, you put your hand up and you say, Excuse me, were you there? Can you remember that?

Peanut Gallery Yeeeesssss...

Howdy Doody Sometimes people will answer, No, but you weren't there either. Then you say, No, I wasn't, but I know someone who was, and I have his book about the history of the world. [Waving the Bible in the air] Who's the only one who's always been there?

Peanut Gallery God!

Howdy Doody Who's the only one who knows everything?

Peanut Gallery Goooooddd!

Howdy Doody "So who should you always trust, God or the scientists?"

Peanut Gallery Goooooddd!

But it wasn't a nightmare. It was creationism evangelist Ken Ham, a former biology teacher and current full-time nutjob, training children as young as five years old to challenge their teachers about evolution.

Ham is no ordinary nutjob. He's been at this kind of thing for 25 years. His worldwide ministry gives hundreds of talks a year and produces books, movies, and daily radio spots. No wonder roughly half of Americans believe the biblical story of creationism over evolution.

At the heart of this multi-million-dollar creationism extravaganza is a very simple message, stated below in his top-selling alphabet rhyme that begins like this:

A is for Adam, God made him from dust
He wasn't a monkey, he looked just like us.

Hard to argue with a mindset like that.


Stare into my eyes
I have a lie for you to buy
It involves a little guy
Who's backed by a pack of spies
And says, big brother am I
These guys are good...poetry, puppets, propaganda...they've got it all covered. Shit!
While I have much love for the work of Rev. Ham, prose is not exactly his niche. On the flip side, when I'm giving one of my internationally-acclaimed presentations to kindergardeners, I go with the following...

A is for ape, which Darwin defended
from him you and your daddy descended!

B is for baboon, the red-assed kind
From this came your God-fearing mind?

C is for chimp, a flinger of feces
He and not God created our species?

D is for Darwin, a scientist swine
who dared to deny intelligent design!

You get the picture.
Rex astounds me....really astounds me.
You get the picture.

Yes, I get the picture. Make up false ideas and put them in the mouths of your enemies, then denounce your enemies for saying such things.

Cool idea. And so much easier than science, too!
A is for Adam, a story book man
To help us make sense of our place in this land

B is for brain, that God gave us for thinking
To help us avoid the Kool-Aid they're drinking.

C is for Codification
That all creatures descend with slight modification

D is for Darwin who wrote about species
At whom insecure churchmen have flung nothing but feces

E's for Evolution, of thoughts to refresh
That the image of God is not tied to our flesh
Not bad, not bad, epm. As a fair-and-balanced type, might I suggest you join me on the pre-school lecture circuit? Many of our nation's youth have never seen an actual, living hippie before.

That said, look for more patriotic tales in my upcoming book, "Spurious George for Kids: Put Down That Gameboy and Start Loving America, Punk!"
What he is doing is so wrong on so many differnet levels. Mainly he's brainwashing little kids before they have the ability to think for themselves. Plus he's filling their heads with bs.
According to Rex -------------> hippie

But the tofu hot dog was way off. I eat tofu straight up out of the plastic.
I think George Carlin said it best"They need to get kids started on religion early, because once you can get them to believe in an invisible guy in the sky, they'll buy anything."
I eat tofu straight up out of the plastic.

There's plastic wraped around tofu?! That explains things... nevermind.
Thanks for the great comments everyone, and the poetry - well, it brought a tear to my eye.

I think Patricia and Lew hit the nail on the head - get 'em while they're young. How slimy is that?

As for the plastic around the tofu - that's the best part. ;-)
so creepy 'cuz i read this thing while imagining the howdy-doody voice.
Well maybe I'm just a bad consumer, I buy the tofu in plastic with that suspicious soy juice around it. A tofu expert I'm not. But I can't very well have Lucky Charms every day.

I think that we push onto kids is the wrongness of questioning. When I work in schools, I hear kids ask questions from their natural curiosity but I see that questioning is sometimes equated to insubordination or snottiness or a challenge to authority. We get older and a question to the boss is seen as the same thing. We learn that authority tells us 'because they say so' and that we are UNWORTHY of reasons or rationale. I may have grown up bitchy but my parents always encouraged me to ask questions and not see curiosity as my own defect but rather, an issue for the person too threatened by questions to respond. Kids are talked out of their natural inclination-perhaps all in the name of respect for authority. Proponents of authority make the case that this protects kids, that blind obedience is necessary so kids don't run into streets etc. But long term, it seems far better that they trust because they know your word to be based in truth and grounded in reason, not arbitrary.
Had I known there was such good poetry going on, I would have visited sooner.

That Ham guy is a psycho. I wouldn't let him near any kid of mine!!! WHERE are the parents?
Had I known there was such good poetry going on, I would have visited sooner.

Helen, when isn't there verse begin slung at Blognonymous?

Now that I'm back and catching up, think maybe I'll have to add a post for CorruptCo Blogfest.

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