2006/01/02

Of Blindness and Hairy Palms

Of the many ridiculous stories of 2005, none was more amusing than the breathless reports of Viagra use causing blindness. I took quite a bit of pleasure in watching the press wring it's hands over this one because frankly the Viagra craze is one that I just don't get.

Here's the thing. I'm now at about the half-way point life-wise and frankly am kind of happy that I don't think about sex every 10 goddamned minutes. It's a monkey off my back. So why the f*ck would I want to use a drug that will help me maintain an erection for hours?

Life is hard for the male of our species. At about the age of 15, you enter what I refer to as "the fog". It's a semi-conscious state where sex intrudes on your thoughts about 4 times an hour, and if you're lucky...really lucky...you may get out of it by your mid to late twenties. Some men don't emerge until their thirties, and some unfortunate slobs don't ever get out of it. I think this last group must be the target audience for Viagra and its competitors.

Just goes to show you that all of those stories about too much sex causing blindness were right. But hey, I don't use Viagra, so I'm not worried. Having to shave my palms, though? That's a real nuisance.

13 Comments:

As a major invester in Viagra (but not a user, as we patriots are always firm in our resolve,) I feel compelled to defend it against your limp attacks.

"An erection for hours?" While this minor side effect has been noted in a small percentage of users, Viagra includes in its' packaging a photo of Harriet Miers in her 1970's (pre-Christ-loving) days, when the nude future leagl titan is seen going "native." This usually remedies the affliction, and only causes blindness in half of the population.
Naked picture of MIers? No. No no no no no no no no.
Naked picture of MIers?

It's the beatific glow that does it for me.
Just call me a poor slob, but I don't think I'll ever need artificial means.
Well the thought of a nude Harriet Miers took the firmness from my resolve, but the piccy of the teen hottie you posted with the story is turning that around...
Dig your blog, man!

BTW - I'm going bling the old fashioned way... by *earning* it, with hours of whacking.
Viagra was invented for golfers. Golfers have a hard time getting it up. That's because there's no loft on their putters. And that's why you'll see more Levitra and Viagra and Cialis commercials on TV golf tournaments than anywhere else. That's also why Hillary urged Bill to take up golf. Golfers can't get hard-ons without Viagra or the like. That way their wives get to control when they have sex. I think what most of them do is padlock the medicine cabinet...
TW - I'm going bling the old fashioned way... by *earning* it, with hours of whacking.

Please tell me that you're exagerating...just a little, hmmmm? :-) Otherwise, I'm going to have to send you a honorary bottle of Nivia and an autographed copy of the poster I filched for this post.
Dig your blog, man!

And I should be more gracious. Thanks! (The Nivia is on it's way.)
As a spokesman for God's #2 speeddial man Pat Robertson (aka D. REX K.), I assure you all are going straight to hell.
It doesn't matter if you're blind or not.

Now, if the Holy Spirit deems it appropriate to convict you of your ah,

inappropriate

urges, AND allows you to see the glorious (unsexual) rightous
passion behind our God-fearing & chosen President, AND you stop posting this heresy,
you *might*
be forgiven.

But i doubt it.

The NSA already has your & Bhfrik's number and are, as we speak- casually checking your harddrives.
Nice blog. I,like the other posters, loooove to masturbate.
Golfers? Hmmm maybe. I would think they do most of their marketing though to the NASCAR crowd.
Golfers need all the help they can get. When you play a sport that mind-numbingly dull, it can't help but affect your...dare I say it...stroke.

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