2005/12/27

Your Eyes, The Ultimate Analog Hole

From the f-A-ke P. -

Before adjourning for the holiday recess, a new piece of legislation was introduced by Representatives James Sensenbrenner Jr. (R. WI) and John Conyers (D. MI) that would, in the words of MPAA chairman Dan Glickman, "...ensure that the pirating of digital content is stopped once and for all."

The Visual/Aural Sense Security Enforcement Scheme of 2005 (commonly know as V-A-SSES 2005) would require that all Americans be fitted with an MPAA designed micro-chip that would cut off an individual's sense of sight in the presence of images containing a content protection sequence. When asked about the possible ill affects of suddenly going blind, for instance while driving, Mr. Glickman replied, "It's a small price to pay for the wonderful world of digital content that will be available to all Americans once we can protect the rights of the MP--I mean the artists." Glickman further suggested that if Americans would just register their credit-cards with the MPAA, then automatic payments would ensure that no one need ever go blind in order to protect copyright holders.

Congressmen Sensenbrenner and Conyers could not be reached for comment, but members of Mr. Sensenbrenner's staff, speaking on the condition of anonymity, told the f-A-ke P that members of Congress would, of course, be exempt from the act's provisions since they frequently have to view protected content in the course of their official duties.

6 Comments:

Made me laugh.

But you left out the "V chip" part of the story, that the AFA is trying to put age appropriate "content sensors" in the chip.

Mike
LOL ..does it work with rose colored glasses though?
Sadly, I committed many sins as an experimenting adolescent that, as my mother did indeed warn, results in temporary blindness from time to time. Thus, this piece of legislation doesn't affect me. Unless, of course, the chip also monitors thinking about copyright-protected material.

Copyright-protected material that includes Angelina Jolie.

Naked.

Eating pudding.

Dammit, there goes my eyesight again.
...as my mother did indeed warn, results in temporary blindness from time to time.

I was always told that looking at copy protected material makes you grow hair on your palms.
Boy, those are a strange pair of bedfellows! Conyers and Sensenbrenner? Bizarre!
no, no it's on your feet...like a hobbit....angelina with pudding???!! oh I guess someone has been hitting the eggnog....

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