ADT - The Barbarians Guard the Gates

We recently received this jolly holiday missive from a California ADT franchise...

    As you may know, your home at one time had an active ADT system. Now is a great time to reactive your ADT system before your holiday week starts. Fact is more home are break-in to during this time of year, so before you leave for you holiday vacation, or start raping your present. I would like to give you this great opportunity, for as little as a dollar a day we will protect your home. Now until December 30 2005, I will wave your reactivation fees, my complimentary gift to you. I would like to help in anyway I can to help protect your home before disaster strikes. The fact is 1 out of every 5 homes will experience a Burglary, Fire or Carbon Monoxide Poisoning within the next 6 years--even in good neighborhoods.
Blognonymous would like to state categorically, that we are not in the habit of raping our presents, Christmas, Holiday, or otherwise.


Good for you! I believe each of us, as good Americans, have to stand up against this epidemic of present raping.
Corporate America has had Christmas bent over 90 degrees for how long now? Long before O'Reilly invented his War on Christmas.
Goddamn that's funny!!! I bet someone got fired over that lil' typo.

Raping your present!

Hmmm... maybe they've started a new holiday tradition.
What do you consider a "habit"? I mean, is it okay to rape your presents once but not twice? Is it "once a philosopher, twice a pervert" or is it "three strikes and you're out"?

I ask because, well, never mind why I ask.
Funny yes...but in a way totally-frickin'-sad.

But oh... the confidence that this inpsires in ADT. I'm just sur they do great job purtecting my home.
I ask because, well, never mind why I ask.

"Hi, my name is Kvatch, and I'm a present raper."

"Hi Kvatch!"
It's subliminable, that's what it is...making you afraid without knowing why - that's totally the best kind of fear!irxmfqe
oops - the word verification got put in the wrong place...now I have to do it again!
Try reading that thing with a tough guy accent. The wording is perfect.
There's a great Simpson's episode where a salesman tries to sell Homer a $20,000 security system.

The guy says, "Can you can't put a price on the saftey of your family?"

Homer, "You wouldn't think so, but here we are." Door slam.

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